Joslyn Grimes
by little of this little of that
Summary: This is my first EVER story. I don't really know how this all works. There's a, summary? I guess, inside. Just try it out and see if you like it. I made it M cause it has a little cussing and I don't want to get in trouble with the rating. Let me know if you like it.
1. Chapter 1

So, this is a story I have had in my head and it won't leave. Basically Rick and Lori divorced when Carl was two, because Lori had an affair, with Shane of course. He was introduced to his new partner's sister-in-law, Joslyn. She had a one year old daughter, named Ella. They married when Carl was five and Ella was three and two years later had a daughter named Mia. This story will predominantly be Joslyn's pov. It will start off around where season one does. This is my very first story and I'm so nervous please be nice and any recommendations you have let me know. Oh and I don't own anything of the walking dead. Just wanted to add a twist to an otherwise great story.

 **Joslyn Grimes**

 **Chapter 1**

It was just an ordinary day I had dropped Ella, my eight year old daughter, off at school then decided to drive to the store to pick up some of Carl's favorite snacks. It was our weekend and we were planning to camp in the backyard. Rick and Carl had came up with this plan to, in their words, "practice" for our big camping trip coming up next month. Rick had actually, miraculously, got Lori and Shane to agree for us to have Carl for two whole weeks this summer.

I pulled up to our local shopping center and parked my dark blue mini van near the buggy return station. I got out and grabbed my purse and carefully extracted the sleeping three year old from her car seat. I don't know why I bothered no matter what as soon as I got little Mia our of the car she always woke up. When I gat her seated in the child seat I hear a timid honk and glance towards the road and see my husband, Rick, and brother-in-law, John, pull up in their cruiser.

I smile and wave, to my surprise they pull in. I watch my husband of five years saunter, yes that's right saunter, up to me.

"Ma'am, I seen you from the road and told my partner I just had to stop and talk to the most beautiful ladies I ever seen," he says exaggerating his southern accent. He even tips his hat in my direction. His blue eyes are just sparkling, so full of life and love. Before I can even respond Mia does for me.

"Daddy!" she screeches in the only way a toddler can. Rick chuckles and reaches towards her already outstretched arms. While leaning in and kissing my temple. There's just something about that gesture that always makes my heart weak.

" So what are you two really up to," I question.

"Oh, I was speaking the truth," he grins while Mia gets all snuggled into his shoulder, "Do you really have to ask?" He nods his head towards the grocery store where I had failed to notice the huge sign that said "toothpaste buy one get one free."

I chuckle and mutter "of course" under my breath. My brother-in-law John was a bit of a prepper. He would buy a bunch of things to have a stalk pile. My sister, Jasmine, doesn't let him get too crazy. Although, she did allow him to buy this monstrous rv that's half powered by solar panels and the other half gas. I don't even want to think how much it cost, but Jasmine said he worked hard to save that money and she pitched in the last little bit for his birthday present.

John ambled over. He's a big guy. Around 6' some odd inches and had that build bodybuilders aim for. He's a sweetie, but only to those he loves. Anyone else can kiss his ass as far as he's concerned, or his boots depending on how much you pissed him off. He had sandy blonde hair he kept at a close shave and these piercing grey eyes that you swear could see through any bullshit. He had a very strong face, prominent cheek bones and that strong jaw. He was without a doubt a very handsome man, but in my humble opinion Rick won hands down. The first time I seen Rick in John and Jasmine's back yard barbeque I thought he was the most handsome man I had ever seen. Apparently, he thought the same of me and the rest, as they say, is history.

Rick and Mia are having a conversation, by this I mean Mia is rambling about something or another and Rick is nodding along like he knows exactly what she is saying. I only catch half her words something about a blue cow and Santa bringing her a bunny for a present. I have no idea, she's Rick's kid.

"I'm just gonna be real quick. Y'all stay out here and talk while I get this done. It won't take long," John throws over his shoulder while he walks into the automatic sliding glass doors. Rick and I just smile at each other and shake out heads.

"So, what have you two ladies got planned for today?"

"Oh, just picking up a few things for this weekend. Some snacks and maybe that superhero movie Carl has been wanting to see," I say twirling a strand of my curly chocolate color hair. It's the one trait I passed on to both my girls. Mia got her daddy's blue eyes, Ella got a paler green then mine. I'm just glad Ella looks more like me than her dad. She could almost pass as Rick and my kid. Mia on the other hand is all Rick. If you look at baby pictures of Carl and Mia side by side they almost look identical except Carl's hair is just a little darker and a whole lot straighter.

Rick eyes the movement of my hand and I quickly stop. I only twirl my hair when I'm extremely nervous or lying. And considering there's nothing to be nervous about I would have to say he knows I'm lying. He raises one perfect brow and waits.

"Ok, I may have a surprise for you, when you get home tonight," I reply.

"Oh? Does this have something to do with the speed in which we are going through ice cream buckets," he asks with a pleased little smirk on his face. I swear it's like when men find out that their little fish can swim they get cocky.

"Possibly," I reply. He just gets the biggest grin on his face.

"Well, I'm looking forward to that surprise then," he says. John is coming back now with his three bags full of toothpaste.

"Looks like we're gonna have a town full of bad breath. I think he wiped them out," I mutter to Rick he chuckles. He's still staring at me like I'm the best thing in the entire world. Let me just say, with that look in his eye, as he holds our squirming three year old, it's a site that just about stops my heart.

"Alright. All ready," John says as he chucks the bags in the trunk of the cruiser. Rick leans in and kisses me gently but passionately. So passionately that my toes curl.

"Come on, I left ya alone for a good ten minutes. Why didn't you do that when you weren't in my presence," John teases.

"Can't wait for that surprise."

"With a kiss like that you might get a couple surprises." He just smirks back. "Love you. You guys be careful," I say.

"Yeah, we need to be careful with all the dangerous criminals around," Rick teases. He hands Mia over to me. Thankfully she doesn't seem to be having a meltdown.

"Tell daddy bye and love you," I tell her.

"Bye daddy! I love you so much!" I chuckle it's her new thing. She "misses you so much" or "loves you so much" or "is hungry so much."

"I love you so much too," he says and kisses her forehead, "and I love you so much," he whispers in my ear kissing my temple.

"See you tonight," he says waving as he walks back to his cruiser.

See you tonight.

See you tonight.

See you tonight….

This keeps playing in my head over and over as I'm sitting in a room looking at my husband lying seemingly lifeless in a hospital bed. The only reassurance that he is alive is the beeping of the machines. Shot. How can this happen? He had just made a joke about how there weren't any criminals. I glance at the clock it's nearing midnight. John and Jasmine have the girls. We hadn't told them yet. Carl knows. God, he just fell into my arms. He's just ten. I put my elbows on my knees and put my face in my hands.

"Rick? I need you to pull through this. Not just for me but for the kids. Carl, Ella and Mia," I take a deep breathe, "and for this new baby," I stand up and kiss his forehead. "The nurse told me I should go home and rest at least for the babies sake. I don't want to, but I know you wouldn't want me to do anything to hurt the baby." I kiss him again. "I love you so much," I whisper to him.

When I'm lying in bed trying to sleep. I dream of him.

I love you so much.

See you tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 **One month later**

I was in the kitchen when my cell phone rang. Ella, was at Jasmine's visiting and Mia was napping. Carl was going to be here later today and I was making his favorite for dinner. I had the tv on the news station. It was, of course, covering this flu epidemic. This sickness was so bad that schools were let out two weeks early. My nephew , Bobby, actually flew home from his college up in New York. I absentmindedly answered my phone.

"Are you watching," Jasmine asked. "It's spreading. I've heard a lot of stories about how it's frying these peoples brains making them attack other people and in turn they are getting sick. I have also heard that a few of them were pronounced dead. Then hours later they weren't dead anymore and just attacked anyone near." She was whispering, but I could still hear a note of panic in her voice.

"What does John say about all this," I ask.

"He's been out buying more stuff for his stock pile," there was a brief pause, "and I've been letting him." That right there spoke volumes. "He wants to be ready just in case. He's constantly making sure the gas tanks are full. That's why I'm calling. He wanted to know if he needs to pick anything up. He's ran out of ideas… should I tell him to buy some baby stuff?" I sigh I hadn't actually told anyone that I was pregnant. I wanted Rick to be the first to know, but seeing as this was my third child I started showing already even though I'm only nine weeks. Between that and her being my sister and knowing me it was probably fairly easy to guess, for her anyway.

"Haha, yeah then I won't need diapers for the baby shower," I try to joke, because the alternative is that this sickness was serious and that made it scary.

"Ok, I will do that then," she either didn't get I was joking or chose to ignore it. It was more than likely the latter. "How was Rick?"

"He seemed like he had more color. And I'm almost positive I seen a finger twitch," I say, but I know it wasn't true. My husband has been in a coma for a month. Doctors say everything's fine they're just waiting on him to decide to wake up. I wish he would decide to soon.

"Hey, I'm gonna drop Ella off. I think I'm gonna go with John. He doesn't know what to get for a baby. Is that alright," She asks.

"Yeah that's fine. Me and the girls will just go get Carl and maybe see Rick. If the kids feel up to it."

A couple hours later I had just picked Carl up. He looked tired, but he smiled.

"Hey kiddo missed you," I said.

"I missed you too," he said earnestly. Stupid Lori hadn't been letting him come over in the weekends cause "Ricks his dad. That's who has visitation. Not you." Bitch. I have no idea how, but Jasmine looked into it and got a hold of the judge that settled the custody case. He let them know in circumstances like these if the kid wanted to still maintain the weekend visits they could. Well Carl did and this was the first time I seen him in a month.

"Hey do you want to visit your dad," I ask. I know Lori didn't let him, but if he wanted to see his dad I was going to let him. His eyes got big and he smiled.

"Yes!"

"Now, he's gonna look different. Maybe even scary. He has a lot of tubes, but you can talk to him. I do all the time. I'm not sure if he hears me, but I still do." Carl nods his head but stays silent.

We're almost to the hospital when there's a road block. It looks like military vehicles. I man in army fatigues walks up to my window.

"Are you admitting a patient or visiting," he asks in an authoritative tone.

"Visiting," I say in a slightly trembling voice.

"I'm sorry ma'am. The hospital is now closed to visitors. Patients only. And only the severe ones at that. Please turn your car around."

"No, I want to see my husband. My kids want to see their dad. His name is Rick Grimes. He's a police officer, he was shot last month and is an a coma," I say in a shaky voice. He almost looks sympathetic.

"Step out of the car, please ma'am." When I do he leads me a little ways away from the car. "Look I get it, but I can not let you go in there. Especially with three kids. You know that virus that's on the news," when I nod my head he continues, "well it's made its way down here. That hospital is getting over run by them… those THINGS. We have been called in to help with the situation." I almost tell him I was just here earlier. That everything seemed fine, but something told me _that_ was a very bad idea.

"But what about my husband? Is he safe?"

"Honestly, I don't know. Just turn around and head on back home. Maybe it will be better tomorrow."

But it wasn't. I woke up at four in the morning to my phone ringing. I immediately thought something happened with Rick. I answered with a croaky voice. It was John.

"Joslyn, I need you to listen to me," something in his voice made me instantly wake up, "pack up the house now. Clothes, for you and the kids, any nonperishable food, blankets, camping supplies, batteries, anything. Load as much of it in your van and I'll be by at about eight and take anything that won't fit. You know Rick's password to his gun safe right," he asks and I nod then realize what I'm doing and mumble a yes.

"But John what's going on?"

"They are evacuating the town. Telling everyone to go to Atlanta."

"Shit, I have to call Lori. I have Carl and what about Rick?"

"Let me figure it out. Keep Carl with you. We'll meet up with them on the highway. Just do what I asked ok."

He didn't give me time to answer, he hung up. I jumped up and turned on the tv in my room. It was a blue screen making that ungodly emergency noise saying to go to Atlanta. I got into action. I woke Carl up and told him what was happening. I tried to stress how serious this was without scarring him for life. When he started packing. I went down the hall and woke Ella gave her a half answer. Then I went and started packing Mia's stuff. I let her sleep while we all packed. After I got Mia's clothes and toys all packed. I went and got dressed and packed mine and some of Rick's clothes. I got all the extra blankets and pillows from the hall closet. Carl had already loaded the bottle water and juice we had plus all the food I told him to pack. Ella had got pans and other kitchen wear. They were now l picking through some games and books. I wanted them to stay busy. I looked at the time it was 7:30. John would be here in thirty minutes Mia was still sleeping.

"Ok, Carl I need you and Ella to put the clothes and blankets in the van. If you can't fit it all in there put it in front of the garage door. Make sure to leave room for you guys to sit. I'm gonna go out to the shed and get the camping stuff. Keep an ear out for Mia please."

I run out to the shed and grab the kerosene camping stove we got. With the full tank of kerosene, we were gonna take it on our trip. Had Rick not been shot we would just now be coming home. I move it into the house setting it right inside the back door.

"Hey, guys," I yell. Carl and Ella pop around the corner. "I'm setting this stuff here. If you get a chance carry it to the garage."

"ok," they both say in soft, scared voices. I wish I could reassure them, but I can't right now. I go back and grab the three bedroom tent we bought. It can be one big room with a smaller room attached or there's a partition that you put up in the big room to make it two. I also grab three of the folding chairs. After dropping those off I went and got the last two chairs, and realized I almost left the bag with all of the tent stakes. So I quickly grab that. I go back one more time to grab the tool box. When I bring that in I hear the garage door opening and run to the garage. Its just John and Jasmine and the kids.

"Ok, Bobby, go around and grab stuff that they might have forgot. Where's Mia," he asks.

"Asleep. It was easier. I already packed her stuff," I reply. He nods.

"Hey, little man," he says addressing Carl. While he's talking, my two nieces, Abby and Brenda, along with Jasmine are loading the stuff we couldn't fit in the van, in an undercarriage on the rv, "talked to your mom. We're meeting her on the highway so don't worry about her. Ok?" Bobby comes back with our entire knife drawer and a few bags of food that we missed. I decide to go get Mia. Jasmine follows me down the hallway pulling pictures off the wall. When I look at her she smiles and goes off to the office.

"What are you doing," I ask.

"Saving your memories. I'm getting your albums. They all still in the office?" I nod and she heads off. I'm still whirling from everything. I go and wake Mia. She's grumpy when she gets woken up just like Rick. I quickly get her dressed and grab her pillows and blanket from the bed. While doing so I dislodged her favorite teddy. It was one that had a police hat. Rick got it for her to protect her in her dreams. He was After all a police bear. I grab him off the floor and carry Mia and everything else to the car. Everyone's all ready to go I notice there's a lot of stuff that couldn't fit like some of the dishes And some other random things I didn't realize I grabbed. After doing a quick sweep, just to make sure, we were off. Carl was in the front and Ella and Mia were behind us then the last seat was folded down with all of our stuff.

Hours sitting in traffic. We had found Lori and Shane, but after Shane told us what happened at the hospital, John was keeping his distance and Carl wanted to stay with me and his sister's. As for me, I was trying to hold it together I had three kids, well three and a half to be exact, to think about. I couldn't lose it, as much as I wanted to scream and cry. I couldn't. Ella had cried her self to sleep and Carl was still going at it.

Rick was dead. According to Shane. John had called them as soon as he hung up with me and it was quickly decided that since Shane was closer to the hospital he would check what was going on. Then we would all meet up, but when we did my husband wasn't with him. I started questioning him. He finally shouted in front of me and John and the kids that he was dead. John had to hold me back from hitting him.

Now here we are sitting in out silent grief. Suddenly, Lori and Shane say they are gonna go take a look up ahead. John and Bobby go with them. They come back ten minutes later hauling ass.

"They just bombed the city!"

"The city is gone!"

"They just bombed it!"

They all talked at once. I couldn't tell who was saying what. John got it together.

"Come on we have to find somewhere safe." And we left and drove away from the city with the mushroom cloud in out review mirror.


	3. Chapter 3

Ok, so I got my very first person who favorited this story which is cool. I also would like to put out there that I'm doing this all on my phone. And my phone likes to change words all the time like Rick's to rock's and Mia to moa. So I will try to read it at least three times before I post, but if you do happen to see some crazy random word, that doesn't belong, just know it's my phone. Like I said I'm still learning how to work this please bare with me. And I don't own anything of The Walking Dead. Oh and some of the timeline will be different then to the show. Thanks anyone for reading this. It is the first time I have let anyone read anything I have wrote. And thank you twilighladybg42!

 **Chapter 3**

It had been two weeks since we left the highway and found the quarry. Two weeks of being a widow. Lori was quick to take Carl and pitch their tent as far away as they could from us. She refused to let him spend the night in our tent. I could see her point to an extent, but I was getting real tired of her crap. I'm sitting in my tent trying to get Mia to take her afternoon nap, I've almost succeeded. I glance around and realize just how little we actually were able to bring. About a weeks worth of clothes each for summer and a weeks worth for winter. I wish I would have grabbed more. At the time it seemed like we packed the whole house, but really we didn't pack up much.

John didn't have as big of a stock pile as I originally thought. Turns out about three months before all this he had donated a lot of it to a few churches for homeless people. He's still angry with himself about that. That being said what he did have was able to hold up nearly forty people comfortably for thirteen days, but it was starting to dwindle and John always wants to have more than plenty. Glenn, one of the people at camp, has made small runs into the city for little things, but John has been talking to him about maybe taking a group for a big haul real soon.

No one besides John and Jasmine know about the baby. Jaz showed me the things they got the day before everything fell apart. Unfortunately, it wasn't a lot, seems quite a few people had the same idea, but they weren't empty handed: one box of newborn size diapers, one box of size ones, a package of two bottles, one can of formula (in case I can't breastfeed), a big box of wipes, one binky, and a package of receiving blankets. It wouldn't last long after I had the baby, but it was a start and I was grateful. When Jaz was showing me all this I remember raising an eyebrow at the can of formula, I was able to breastfeed both my girls, she said just in case something happens, where I can't feed the baby myself. Then, of course, that made me think of everything that could go wrong. I was blessed with two quite easy pregnancies and two normal uneventful births, but every pregnancy is different. Just add that on to another thing to stress about.

Mia was finally out and of course my bladder decides its full and needs to be released. I carefully extract myself from under my sleeping daughter and head to John's rv, that is literally four steps from our tent entrance. I open the door and head in to his very practical, but slightly cramped rv. It was actually really nice, but it only had two rooms. John and Jasmine had the master suite at the back. Then, there was the small room with the bunk bed for their two teenage girls and Bobby slept on the dining room table that folded down into a bed. I did my business and washed my hands. I looked up at myself in the mirror above the sink. My once shiny, curly brown hair hung dull, and slightly greasy, around my face. It was growing fast thanks to the prenatal vitamins, but it didn't have the healthy shine like it used to. My once vibrant green eyes seemed to have lost their sparkle. I stare harder and notice I've added some freckles to the smattering of them I have under my eyes and across my nose. You can't see them unless you're really close, because they're so light. Rick used to count them and try to kiss them. I would giggle and push him away and tell him to go do something productive. Which would then cause him to throw me over his shoulder and carry me to our room. When I asked him what he was doing he threw me on the bed and said he was just following orders. And that's how we have one kid and another on the way.

When I was thinking about Rick I noticed my eyes sparkled. Unfortunately, it was from tears. I still hadn't been able to grieve like I needed. I cried most nights quietly in bed and wake up in the morning hoping he would be there wrapped around me. I have taken to sleeping in his shirts that I packed. I can still smell him on them. I hear a knock on the door so I quickly wiped my eyes and opened up the door. It was Abby, John and Jasmine's sixteen year old. Brenda is seventeen and Bobby is twenty. Jasmine was fifteen when she had Bobby. I'm only eight years older than my nephew, I wasn't to happy to get knocked out of the baby spot when I was younger, but we're now pretty close. Abby looked a lot like her mom. She got her mom's green eyes and petite build, but instead of the brown curly hair that came from our side of the family she got John's blonde pin straight hair.

She smiled as I passed and went in the bathroom. I decided to walk around a bit. It was one of those rare times when there wasn't much to do. I was doing laundry tomorrow and it was after lunch and way before dinner so cooking wasn't an option. I would boil some water to drink, but it looks like Morales and T- dog, some more people in our camp, were already doing that. Lori was making Carl and Sofia do school work, which I thought was ridiculous seeing as even if the world didn't stop they would be on summer vacation anyway. I wanted to punch her every time she looked down her nose at me for not making Ella do the same. I blame pregnancy hormones for my recent violent fantasies, but the truth is Lori has never tried to work it out with us. I would love to have one of those relationships were exes get along with their exes current spouse, but no matter how much Rick and I tried to be civil she would always have an attitude. One would think that Rick would have more of a reason to hold a grudge seeing as he was the one who was cheated on.

Just then Carl sees me and runs over to give me a hug while Lori glared from the table. I hug him back tightly.

"Where's Mia," he asks looking behind me like I might be hiding her.

"Oh, I see! You don't want to see me! Only Mia," I say and smile, "She's napping right now. Sorry Carl." I mess up his hair. And I guess Lori has decided that's enough time and Carl needs to come finish his math. We both roll our eyes. I try really hard not to go against Lori in front of Carl, but some times she makes it too hard. I decide to go and see Dale, he's kind of the resident father/grandfather of the group. He's, of course, up on top of his rv. I make my way over and go up the ladder to sit by him.

"Well, hello there," he says with his all knowing grin. I half smile back, but don't reply.

"Looks like your rugrat is heading up from the local watering hole," he says while looking through the binoculars.

" Is Brenda with her," I ask. Ella has a habit of wanting to do something and just setting off and doing it without telling anyone.

"Mmhmm," he confirms. I let out a little breath. I'm constantly worried about either one of my daughter's wondering off. Ella is old enough to know better, but sometimes she gets carried away in her thoughts and doesn't pay attention. While Mia is just your typical three year old. She's dead set on doing things on her own. It takes me nearly tackling her to the ground to brush her hair. She tries to do it herself, but barely gets the top layer of hair.

Ella looks almost identical to me down to the freckle, only difference is the lighter shade to her eyes. She has my slender build. Poor thing isn't gonna have any boobs, just like me. Well, that's starting to change due to my condition. Which reminds me I'm gonna need to get bigger bras and a couple of nursing bras as well.

" I gotta go talk to John," I say to Dale. I hop off the rv and head over where I can see Glenn, John and Shane talking. The only reason John isn't leader is cause he says he's more of an enforcer than a rule setter. Its why he became a cop not a judge, but judging by the red faces of both him and Shane he's not opposed to challenging authority.

"Hey John," I call out. I don't like getting to close to Shane, he's starting to scare me. He actually tried to tell me Ella had to go to "class" with Carl and Sofia. Well, I put my foot down and told him I would raise MY kids how I see fit. He backed down pretty quick, but I bruised his fragile ego and he hasn't forgiven me yet. "Can I steal ya a second?"

John jogs over to me with a stormy look on his face, that I know is for Shane and not me.

"What can I do for you sis," he asks.

"I just thought of something that I'm gonna need."

"What is it?"

"Some bigger bras," I say and watch his face turn red from embarrassment. This man has known me nearly all my life. He and Jasmine have been together since they were kids. They were their first everything, and I was always the annoying little sister. Although, there was a brief moment when Jasmine found out she was pregnant when I thought daddy was gonna kill him, but he didn' both finished high school got married and soon after had Brenda and not long after that had Abby. Now that I think about it, my daddy might have scared them so good, they didn't so much as have a lustful thought after Bobby till they were married. I chuckle and add, "Also a couple nursing bras would be wonderful. They aren't strictly necessary, they are lovely to have."

He seems to gather himself and nods his head and asks when I would for sure need them.

"The bigger size very soon. I'll write down the sizes I will need. Or the sizes I remember having to buy last time. Just one of each would be enough. We can hold off on the nursing ones and it's not something worth risking someone's life over if they can't get it. So, if I don't get them it's no big deal."

"Alright, just write down the sizes and give it to me. I'll give it to Andrea. She's going with them tomorrow."

"You're not," I ask relieved, because I didn't want to have to deal with Shane and Lori.

"Shane's staying. I'm staying. I don't trust him to not do something crazy if I'm gone. Bobby was gonna go, but he still has that cough. He would attract attention. And I'll be damned if my wife or girls go anywhere with Merle Dixon, who just now decided he wanted to go. Its the reason Shane and I were arguing. I don't want Merle to go, because I know he will cause problems. Especially, since he won't have Daryl to keep him in line, but he just keeps saying that Merle can decide for himself. Someone's gonna get hurt because of him mark my words. " He's still fuming so I try to lighten the mood.

"Who Shane or Merle," I ask.

"Honestly, both, but I was referring to Merle. I just have a bad feeling letting him go, as do Glenn and T- dog." My eyebrows pull together.

"How many people are going on this run," I ask.

"There's Glenn, of course, T-dog, Morales, Jacque, Andrea, and Merle so far. Just six. Seems like a lot more though, right?" I nod my head. John pulls out a little notebook with a pen from his back pocket. "Here write down what you need." I quickly jot down the main sizes I remember getting. Its hard to believe that I reached a 32 DD, but motherhood does strange things. I close the notebook and pass it back to him.

"Thanks John," I say relieved. He nods and turns back to Shane and Glenn just as Ella reaches me. She hugs me tight. Ever since we found out about Rick she's been a little clingy. Although, I have became clingy as well since all this started. Maybe, I should cut Lori a little slack, but then I remember all the dirty looks. No slack shall be giving to her.

"Hey baby," I say while kissing the top of her head. "How was swimming?"

"Fine," she mumbles in my chest, " but I'm tired now. Is it to late to take a nap?"

"Probably, Mia should be waking up soon. And I don't want you up all night. Come on let's go get Mia and kidnap Carl and we can play a game of phase 10," I say and she smiles at that. We head over to our tent where Mia was just starting to wake up. After taking her to the bathroom. We walked over to where Carl and Sofia were and the three older ones played while I got Mia's coloring book and crayons out for her.

"I know what you are trying to do," Lori hisses at me from behind. I turn and look at her with a raised eyebrow.

"And what is that exactly," I ask.

"You want to make Carl hate me. I'm the mean parent. That won't let him stay the night with his sister and I make him do school work. Then you sweep in here and be the fun, irresponsible one!"

"Sisters," I correct her. She gets a confused look on her face. " You said sister. Singular. He has sisteERS. Plural."

"Ella's not rea.." I cut her off before she finishes.

"Rick made Ella a Grimes the day we got married. You know that he adopted her. Not to mention the fact that Carl and Ella have known each other nearly their entire lives. Ella has known no other man to be her dad, but Rick. She is Rick's in every way, but blood. Now, on to the other stuff. Lori I have never wanted to even try to replace you. Rick and I have tried co-parenting, but you and Shane always put your heels in the ground. Am I trying to let them have fun? Yes, because they are children. We have no idea how long this will last and I want them to stay kids as long as possible. I will do whatever I can to try and do that, but if you think for one moment I'm making you look bad. Take a look in the mirror. YOU are pushing Carl away. He wants to spend time with his sister's he just lost his dad. He's trying to hold on to the pieces of him he has left. YOU keep turning him down. You're suffocating him Lori! Trust me I get it. I want to wrap Mia, Ella and Carl up in a plastic bubble where nothing can get to them. Unfortunately, that's not a possibility. So, I try a loosen the reins enough for them to be kids, just a while longer. I wish they could have a carefree childhood like we had, but they can't. So, I'm making it carefree whenever possible. So, please pick up some of the slack and be the fun parent every once in a while, because honestly it's exhausting!" Lori has a shocked look on her face, but turns around and walks off. I look down and Mia is staring at me with a scrunched up nose.

"Me don't like her," she says. I try not to laugh.

"It's I don't like her," I say, "and don't say that it's not nice," I add quickly.

"Sorrrrry," she sing-songs and bends down to finish coloring.

Late that night as I lay on the air mattress in our tent with Mia cuddled in front of me and Ella pressed against my back (they have their own air mattress in one of the other rooms, but we've just been sharing) I think about the future. What world are my children going to grow up in? What kind of world am I gonna give birth in? I used to picture a bright happy place. Now, I just picture dark and gloomy with geeks chasing them. I start seeing geeks running around with brief cases going to work, but theirs limbs keep falling off. So, they have to pick them up and carry them in their brief case. I see Rick in a hospital bed, but he's awake he's using it as a car to go to work. He suddenly looks at me, but he turned into a geek.

"I love you so much…See you tonight," he says while his face is falling off. Its only when I jerk awake that I realize it was a dream. I look and the sun is barely even making an appearance. It doesn't matter. I'm awake now. I start organizing the day in my head while the girls sleep on. I was gonna make today a good day. No matter what.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey anyone reading this I realize last chapter was pretty much just a filler. I started thinking if John had a huge stock pile, then they wouldn't need to go on runs. So, I came up with a solution and I also realized I didn't let you know what hardly anyone looked like. I'll try to fix that but sometimes I feel like it takes you out of the story. I changed it to where Rick is only "dead" for two weeks and not a month. Mostly because I don't want Joslyn to be super pregnant when he finds them. Well, Rick should be in this one. Hey and if anyone who likes this story if you could leave a review that would be great. Anyway I don't know if I have to say it again but I don't own Walking Dead. So, onwards and forward.

 **Chapter four**

When the sun has finally made its appearance known, I got out of bed and started grabbing clothes and piling them up in a basket. I then grabbed my last clean pair and other toiletries and went to the rv to shower and brush my teeth. When I walked out John was up and sitting on top of the rv. I guess it was his watch. Everyone else seemed to still be in bed. It was early morning and you could still smell the dew. There was a almost peaceful quietness that you don't get at any other time. There was a slight chill this morning, but the Georgia heat would quickly be on us. It was my absolute favorite time of day. I could pretend everything was normal. That we were only camping and Rick would be here any time. After a couple of my pretend moments I pulled myself back to reality.

"Hey, John," I softly called out to him. Only to see he was already watching me, " can you keep an eye out to see if they wake up. I'm gonna shower then head down to wash our clothes. They should be awake here shortly." John nods and gives me a half smile. I head into his rv and go to the bathroom. When I'm fully naked you could really see a defined bump. I rubbed it.

"I'm sorry you have to be born in this. I'm sorry you won't get to meet your dad, but you are so loved. I love you and your big sister's and brother will love you. We can all tell you stories about your dad and I have pictures of him. So you can see how much you will look like him. If you're anything like Mia or Carl you will favor him a lot," I whisper down to my bump. I wish I could feel the baby move now, but I'm gonna have to wait a few more weeks.

While I'm in the shower I decide to shave my legs, it's a luxury that I won't be able to do after a while. Not only because we will eventually run out of razors, but I'm not going to be able to bend over that far. I remember when I was pregnant with Mia Rick shaved my legs for me. He had caught me trying to do some crazy moves in order to accomplish it. When he asked what the hell I was doing I started crying saying I didn't want him to see me with hairy legs, damn those pregnancy hormones. After that I would sit down in the bathtub and he would sit in there with me and shave my legs. It almost always led to some fun times.

I didn't realize I was crying. I stated wondering if Mia would even remember Rick. And if she did it would only be a handful of memories like the ones I have of my mom. My mom died from a car accident when I was four. I had gotten sick at school and she was on her way to come get me. A truck driver, who had tried to drive through the night, fell asleep and hit my mom head on. Daddy never remarried he past when I was nineteen. I was so sad I went to a friend's house and he comforted me. Nine months later I had Ella. My "friend" said I did it on purpose. That I always had a crush on him so I got pregnant to finally be with him. I had him sign over all his rights and didn't go after him for child support. I never told Jasmine who the dad was, because I know she would kill him. I heard a couple years later he had another kid, but he was happy about that one. I was fine though by then I was with Rick and my daughter was starting to talk and call him dad.

I hop out of the shower and dry off and dress as quickly as I can. My shower took a little longer then what I had anticipated. Just as I thought, as I was pulling one of Rick's shirts over my head, I heard little feet and a tiny knock before the door was thrown open, like the police were bargaining in.

"Momma, I missed you so much," Mia said in her rough morning voice while grabbing on to my leg. I chuckled and hugged her back.

"Honey, you're supposed to wait till someone says come in before opening the door, but I missed you too. Here I have your clothes. Lets get you dressed and ready I'm doing laundry today so I have your swimsuit," she got really excited about that. All I have to say is, thank God I grabbed the one with the built-in life jacket. If I didn't have that I would be a nervous wreck, being this close to the water. While I was getting her ready Ella came in. I kissed the top of her head as she waited to take a shower. I had given Mia a bath last might, she sleeps better when she has one at night.

"Remember we're doing laundry. Do you have your bathing suit," I ask Ella. She nods and holds up her neon green one piece. I nod back and smile I pick Mia up and head out. "We'll wait by the tent for you."

I dropped all of our bathroom things inside the tent except the things Ella was using. I added the clothes that we had just took off to the pile. Then went back in the rv and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Ella, can I come in? I'm just going to grab your dirty clothes," I say.

"Yeah," I hear her call over the water. I pop in and grab her dirty clothes.

"Make sure you grab the towel when you're done. We can lay that in the sun and you can use it to dry off when you're done swimming," I say.

"Ok, I will," she calls then starts humming some song I don't know. Hmm I guess that's another thing I passed on to her, we both can't carry a tune. I chuckle and walk out.

I manage to keep Mia entertained for a good ten minutes before she starts begging to go swimming again. Ella finally steps out. I guess the group that was going on a run left while I was in the shower, because while I was trying to keep Mia from marching down to the water John came by and said he had giving the paper to Andrea.

"Wait, I'm going with you," Jasmine calls out and grabs their laundry. I grin and nod. It would be nice to have company. I notice Brenda tagging along. She's been so quiet since all of this. I bet it's hard. She had just received a full academic scholarship to any university in the state.

Brenda was more like her dad. She was tall and thin. She looked rather gangly, but she also had this odd gracefulness when she was still. She got John's blonde hair but it had Jasmine's wave to it. My sister and I could almost pass for twins, but where she was gifted with curves in all the right spots I had none. Jasmine was also an inch shorter than me. She was 5'6 and I was 5'7. Ella and Mia are racing each other and I'm keeping an eye on them. Last thing I need is for them to twist their ankle or worse.

We make it down to the little beach like area where we do laundry. Brenda, Jasmine, and I get to work while Ella tried to show Mia how to swim, but she's more concerned about catching frogs. Not long after, Carl joins us, he's alone.

"Carl, where's your mom," I ask.

"I don't know getting mushrooms or something. She told me to stay in Dale's sight and he told me you guys headed down here. So, I thought I would come swim with Ella and Mia. Is that okay?"

"Of course it is," I say. While silently fuming. Lori constantly does this, has other people watch her son. I would be happy to do it, but instead she asks strangers. Yes, Dale is wonderful, but we've only known him two weeks.

Carl runs to go play with the girls, who are ecstatic to have their big brother to play with. We work an companionable silence for a while. I pull out one of my bras to clean when Jasmine decides to strike up a conversation.

"So I've noticed Ella is growing like a weed. She is gonna be taller than you." I have to agree with her she's already even with my chest and she's only eight. "But I think she's gonna have your figure. Although you do seem to be blossoming here lately." She says with a smirk. I laugh.

"I was just thinking yesterday about how things are starting to become a little bit of a tighter fit. I have been wearing Rick's shirts this whole week, mostly just to hide it a little longer. I actually asked your husband to send out for bigger bras. There's no way I'm running around with no bra around here."

" I know can you imagine all the crude things Merle would say, or what if you have to run from a geek. They would get in the way. And I knew about the added item to the run. That's why I even brought it up." I noticed Brenda didn't look shocked at all, but then I notice she's completely ignoring us.

"How's she doing," I whisper to Jasmine. She looks over at her oldest daughter with a sad look.

"Alright, I guess. You know we went by her boyfriends house before we came and got you. It was on the way. We couldn't even stop. He was laying in the front yard," she swallows hard, "his chest and stomach wide open. His mother was eating him," she says all this in a harsh low whisper. Tears in her eyes. Jake had won over Brenda's parents. They had been dating since they were sophomores. Of course they had their whole entire lives planned out: first graduate high school and college, get married, get a career, buy a house, then have kids. Simple. They didn't leave room for all of the obstacles that life throws, but something tells me they would have almost followed that plan to a T.

The girls and Carl come running up to me after that, saying they were hungry. I looked up and realized it was nearing lunch. So we got what we washed and the clothes we didn't get to and headed up to camp. We had just reached where Carol and Lori were making lunch for everyone when Lori started in on Carl. She didn't know where he was and all that. Well, why didn't you go look for him? No, she got mad when she seen he was with us.

"Lori it's ok me and Jasmine were watching him it's fine," she glares daggers at me. Then marches Carl to their tent to make him change. The girls and I drop our stuff at our tent and go get on line for lunch. As we were sitting down to eat, John started filling us in, apparently our people were stuck in Atlanta.

"Who's going after them," I ask automatically.

"That's just it. DICKtator Shane doesn't want anyone to go," he fumes, "I'm about to knock him down a peg."

Suddenly there's a siren, almost like a car alarm, blaring through the mountains. We all stand up.

"Talk to me Dale," Shane the ass says.

"To soon to tell, but my guess is a stolen car," Dale says still looking through his binoculars. A couple minutes later Glenn pulls up in a little red sports car. Everyone is immediately on him asking where the others are, if they are ok, but the voice that raises is Shane telling him to pop the hood. The alarm stops and suddenly it's super quiet again.

"Where's my sister? Is she ok," Amy asks desperately.

"Yes, yes. They're all Ok. Well, Merle not so much," Glenn says. Me and Jasmine share a look. Although, no one really liked Merle we had no idea how this would impact Daryl, who was the person who got our meat for us. Just then a white box van pulled up. And Morales jumped out.

"We thought we lost you guys for sure," Dale says with a big smile. Happy to have Andrea back.

"How'd you guys get out anyway," John asks.

"New guy. Hey helicopter boy come say hello," Morales called out. There was two seconds of quiet stillness and then I was slamming into Rick who didn't know what hit him. Then Carl, Ella, and Mia was there. Mia was saying hi daddy like she was expecting him to come all along and maybe she was. Rick bent and scooped up Mia and kissed Ella and Carl on the head then kisses me on the lips so hard that I swear they would be bruised, but our moment didn't last long.

"What the hell John," we pulled away only to see Shane laying on the ground and blood coming from his nose.

"You son of a bitch! You told me my brother-in-law was dead! Now, I know the dead are up walking, but you better come up real quick on how he's standing in front of us as alive as you and me. Get to talking," John says with a menacing step forward.


	5. Chapter 5

I now know why some writers are like no more chapters till I get so many reviews. Its such an ego boost, but I won't do that. I hope people are reading. I know it seems like I'm updating a lot, but I have had this story in my head for months. It's a trip actually writing it. I never thought I would actually write fanfiction, but I started wanting to find specific stories. And I realized the only way to find them was to write them. Oh, I have a couple ideas let me throw them out and tell me what you think. I'm thinking of either having Bobby and Beth together or have Brenda and Shawn (Beth's brother that's in the barn obviously he would be alive) together. Keep in mind it won't be the main story, but maybe I might write in their pov when I get a little more confident. Let me know if I'm talking to anyone. Oh and I know this isn't word for word from the show, but I guess it's just getting the point across that matters. Don't own Walking Dead (when can I stop putting that).

 **Chapter 5**

Rick had been back for a few hours and I can't stop looking and if I could I'm sure I would be all over him, but I'm currently being blocked by our kids. Carl is sitting on his left and Ella on his right while Mia is in his lap yammering about her adventures. I'm sitting next to Ella. Is it bad to be jealous of your kids? I think there's a rule somewhere saying that's not allowed. So, instead I'm staring at him waiting for my chance to worm my way next to him. For now though, I'll let the kids be close to their dad. Every once in awhile he smirks over at me like he knows exactly what I'm thinking, but there's a look in his eye that lets me know his mind is thinking the same thing.

John had gotten Shane to say that he listened for a heart beat and it wasn't there, but he still closed the door and blocked it. He said something along the lines of even though he had an affair with Lori and that ended their friendship it didn't erase the lifetime they shared together. He got a quick punch in the gut for that. When he asked why, John said, "that's for sleeping with your so-called best friends wife," and walked off. He later told me he had always wanted to punch him for what he did to Rick. And Rick, like the good friend he is, gave him the opportunity to finally give Shane what he deserved.

I noticed the women treated me a little different since that conversation. They were a little nicer to me. I never realized how standoffish they were till now. Then it dawned on me. They knew I was Carl's step-mom, and with the way Lori acted, they assumed _I_ was the other woman. Make that one more reason to hate Lori. Dale just asked Rick something, but I missed what it was. I got to say I did not miss a single word that came out of my husband's perfect mouth. I noticed he's lost a lot of muscle from lying in a hospital bed for a little over a month. He'll get it back soon enough.

"Disorientated, is the best word to describe it. I thought I was in some dream. When I made it to the house you guys were gone," a spear of guilt went through me. "No. No, baby don't feel bad. I'm glad you guys were safe. Looking around the house I knew you guys got out. And, knowing John, he had you guys living like kings holed up somewhere. I just had to find where that was. I then headed over to Shane and Lori's finding it in the same condition." He pretty much stared a hole through me when he was talking. Its how he seen the look of guilt when he mentioned is not being home. We weren't being very secretive with our looks and I heard Jasmine chuckle.

"Should I take the kids tonight," Jasmine said from her spot snuggled up to John. There was quite a few chuckles around the group. Dale was still smiling when it suddenly fell from his face. He cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry to bring this up, but has anyone thought about what we tell Daryl," he says. "He's not going to be too happy when he finds out about Merle."

"I dropped the key. I'll tell him," T- dog says.

"I cuffed him. I'll tell him," my husband says.

"Guys it's not a competition," Glenn said. Nodding towards T he says, " And no offense, but it might sound better coming from a white guy." That's when T tells us he locked the door with a bolt lock so the geeks can't get to him.

"My point is, he's still up there on that roof. And that's on us," T said looking down.

I looked at Rick. And I knew he would be going back for him. He was not the type of man to leave a human being chained up like that.

When it came time to go to bed Rick carries Mia, who had passed out on his lap, to our tent. He laid her down on her bed then tucked both Ella (who was losing the battle on sleep) and Mia in, giving them a kiss on the forehead.

"I'm gonna go say goodnight to Carl. I'll be back," he says. And I immediately panic. _**"See you tonight."**_ He had said and then he was shot, but I swallow it down and nod. He needs to see Carl. He doesn't kiss me before he walks out, which is good cause if he did he wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. I get undressed and slip into a pair of underwear and one of Rick's button up plaid shirts that I packed. I sit down on the bed, but then stand up and start pacing. Rick isn't back. What if I'm crazy and he's not really back? What if I'm hallucinating because of lack of water, or something like that? I look towards the zipper part of the tent he's still not back. In reality it probably hasn't been more than ten minutes.

I go over to my bag and get the ultrasound picture I had done at eight weeks, which was also my last appointment, and carry it to the bed. I sit back down and wait. Rick finally comes back and I let out a huge breath. I guess I was thinking I was crazy more than I thought. I run to him and throw my arms around him. He does the same. We just hold each other tight for awhile. I didn't realize, till he picked me up and had me setting on his lap in the bed, that I was sobbing.

"I'm sorry. I'm just so happy you're here and I'm not crazy. And you're not dead," I manage to get out between sons. He chuckles and kisses my temple.

"Me too," he said. He clears his throat. "So, do I actually have any clothes or have you claimed them all?" I look at him confused. He smiles and says, "You were wearing one when I got here and now you're wearing a different one. I'm not complaining you look better in them than me, but a part of me is wondering why you're wearing my shirts, but not my ring." He says glancing down at my bare left hand. I had forgotten I had to take it off, because my hands were swelling and I didn't want to cut the ring or my finger. Now, realizing what it must look like I quickly reassure him. I pull out the necklace with both our wedding rings on them.

"So that's where it's gone to. I was wondering where it went," he says nodding toward his. He doesn't even wait. He unclasps my necklace and gets his wedding ring off and puts it back on his finger where it belongs. Then he clasp my necklace back and plays with my ring that's still on my necklace.

"Are your fingers already swelling that much," he says with a smile.

"You remembered," I ask with wide eyes, not sure how clearly he remembers the day he was shot. He nods.

"Every single detail of that day is burned in my memory. I was so excited to get home and hear you say those words in your voice," he glances over to the sleeping girls. Then slides me off his lap, walks over to the flap of the tent and zips it all the way to give us privacy. Then he unties one side of the door leading to the girls, but leaves the other side tied up. He comes back and pulls my shirt, or rather his shirt, off and stares at that distinct bump. He gets on his knees and kisses it. He spots the pictures laying on the bed and grabs them.

"So this is our baby," he says looking over them. I'm thinking if someone could see us we had to make in odd sight. Sitting side-by-side in a bed, me only in panties and him fully clothed looking at pictures I chuckle at what it must look like.

"What are you laughing at," he says looking up at me.

"Here I am topless and you don't even seem to notice," I say with a smile and shake of my head.

" Oh, I've noticed and soon you're not gonna be JUST topless." He puts the pictures back in the bag and walks over to me. While walking he takes his shirt off and starts unbuckling his pants. We quickly discard out clothes and we're kissing each other like there's no tomorrow. Then there's a brief pause after out bodies get reacquainted with each other. Then we're all movement and trying to be quiet so the girls don't wake up.

It didn't last very long. I knew it wouldn't. It has been too long and we were both so eager. I pulled on his shirt and he pulled on a pair of boxers. Then we laid down facing each other. Not blinking. Our hands lay intertwined between us. He pulls our hands up to his mouth and starts kissing mine.

"How far along are you anyway. I forgot to ask earlier," he smiles into my hand. I reach over to the side of the bed, without breaking our hold, and grab the calendar I took from our kitchen wall.

"Lets see," I say and turn back a couple pages. "Eleven weeks and two days." I look up at Rick and he takes the calendar from me. Its all labeled. The day I found out, but more then that it has the day Rick got shot, when school got let out early, things written down the doctors told me. Our camping trip is marked out and written "Rick still in hospital" above it in red. Then it also has the first day I got to see Carl after he was shot. And finally the day Shane told me Rick was dead. It was more of a journal than a calendar. Which reminds me. I reach over my bed and grab the pen. I take the calendar from him and write "RICK ALIVE!" on today and then put a tick mark beside it, to show another day gone. He smiles and flips through it till he finds what he's looking for written in all caps and circled "DUE DATE" on the December 23rd square.

" We're having a Christmas baby," he asks with a smile.

"Better not. That say the 23rd not the 25th and this baby will come on it's due date if it knows what's good for it," I say jokingly. I suddenly get serious, "Its gonna be cold," I say concerned.

"We'll figure it out," he says confidently. He smiles at me and puts the calendar back down then starts kissing me again. This time it last longer. Both of us going slower and savoring each other. We end up laying with my back pressed to his front. His arms around me holding me as tight as he can. His right hand spread protectively on my belly and I swear I felt a flutter even though it's supposed to be too early for that.

"I love you so much," he whispers in my ear. And I smile.

"I love you too," I say. I fall into the best sleep I've had since before Rick was shot.


	6. Chapter 6

Someone favorited the story! Thanks kenzie216. I'm thinking of creating a couple polls, if I figure out how to do it right. It would be a do you want a Brenda/Shawn or Bobby/Beth. And I may put one for the sex of the baby although I'm pretty sure I already now what I want it to be. And I'm not sure if Judith will be in this one. We'll see. I'm trying to take my time and not be impatient because I want to hurry up and get to the prison. So, if at anytime it feels rushed let me know. Thank you for reading. And I don't own anything pertaining to Walking Dead except the characters I added. Edit: I put a poll up it will be open until the chapter right before the farm.

 **Chapter 6**

I woke up slightly to see Jasmine creeping in and waking the girls.

"Go back to sleep. I'll watch them till you get up," I nod tiredly and I feel Rick squeeze me tighter. I smile glad it wasn't a dream. Jasmine takes the girls out and zips the tent back up. I flip around to look at Rick. He makes a disgruntled sound when I moved suddenly, but soon falls back to sleep.

His face is a little sunken in. He has dark circles under his eyes and he's a little on the thin side. I would just have to make him take care of himself to build his strength back up. I go to snuggle in closer to him, when something gets in my way. I look down it seems my belly has gotten bigger over night. Oh, I could still hide it beneath Rick's shirts, but wearing any of mine would be a dead give away. I find that I don't care anymore. I have Rick. He will protect me and our kids. There's nothing to hide anymore. There never was. Maybe, I was holding out hope for this exact reason. I was waiting for my husband so we could announce it together, but that sounds silly. I thought he was dead.

I glance up to look at his face again only to find him staring at me.

"Good morning," I say in my raspy morning voice.

"Mmm, I always loved your morning voice," he said while leaning down and kissing my neck. Which immediately made my pulse start jumping. We didn't have sex for the first four months when we were dating, because even though the divorce had been filed it was not finalized. We were on the couch kissing and just acting like two teenagers when he started kissing my neck. I pushed him away and told him not to do that unless he was gonna follow through. It was a month after that when I was doing dishes and he came up behind me, put a piece of paper down on the counter and pressed his body against mine. He pushed my hair away from one side of my neck and started kissing it.

"Remember what I said," I told him. My breathing picking up.

"Mhmm," he mumbled against my neck, which tickled. "Read the paper." He continued kissing my neck while I picked up the stapled papers in my shaking hands. It was his divorce papers. He was officially not married. I spun around so fast and launched up in his arms. Locking my arms around his neck and my legs around his waste. He had his hands on my thighs.

"So Rick Grimes are you saying you're finally a free man," I said teasing him.

"Well Joslyn James I was under the impression that you now had me in your custody," he said with a smirk.

"You traded one warden for another," I joked, "but don't worry. I'll let you out for good behavior." I said with a smile. He got a very serious look on his face and then a devilish grin appeared.

"Well, then it looks like you're gonna have one misbehaving prisoner, cause I don't want to be let go." He then carried me to the bedroom. Unfortunately, it was a week later that we were finally able to release our sexual frustration. Not long after we had ripped each others clothes off I got a call from Jasmine saying Ella was sick. Rick and I spent the first night of his divorce sitting in the E.R. waiting for a doctor.

He later told me He wouldn't have wanted it any other way. He said that was the night he knew that I was his forever. He can be so cheesy sometimes, but I love it. I shake my head from the memory and enjoy the present. His hands had started to come out and play, but he pauses and pulls back.

"What is it," I say desperately, not wanting him to stop. The evil man laughs at me. I mock glare and say, " you just earned another two years for laughing." He just laughed more.

"That puts us at, what, well over 200," he says with a smile.

"Well if you would stop misbehaving I wouldn't have to add time," I say I'm still squirming around. You don't just kiss a girls neck and stop suddenly. Its just cruel.

"I did warn you I wasn't going to be well behaved, but no I stopped because I swear _this_ wasn't this big yesterday," he says while running his fingers across my stomach.

"You calling me fat," I say, "no, I'm kidding. I was just thinking that earlier. It appears our nugget was waiting for you so it could hit a growing spurt." I'm smiling at him with my hand resting over his. He looks up in my eyes again and I see that sparkle. The same sparkle I seen when I told him I was pregnant with Mia, the same one I seen in the parking lot when he figured out about this baby. We start kissing again and our clothes get taken off. He's laying on his back and I straddle him, but before we can even begin, I hear the zipper of our tent quickly been undone. I don't even have time to climb off. And I'm panicking cause I think it's one of the kids, but then I hear a voice and decide to drop the sheet and stay exactly where I was

"Look, you guys can't sleep in. There are things," Lori immediately stops talking when she sees our position.

"Please tell me there is a reason you are barging into our tent. MY husband is tired and wants to stay in bed a little longer and I want to stay with him. You know seeing as YOUR husband told me He was dead and I have been walking around for two weeks believing I would never see him again." She's still gawking at us and I notice her glance down at my belly. I purposely positioned myself where she couldn't see Rick, but I was in plain sight. "You're acting like you've never seen people have sex before Lori. If you are looking for pointers you came to the wrong person," I say just to be bitchy. She knew exactly what she was doing when she came in here. And I'm calling her out on it. She glared at me and stormed out. I look down to see my husband trying not laugh.

"Ok, do we have to start all over? Or can you recover from seeing your ex-wife pretty fast," I say. He cracks up.

"I forgot how jealous you got when you were pregnant with Mia. And I don't need to recover having you naked and going all cavewomen," he took a deep breath, "yeah I don't have anything to recover." He grabbed my hips before I could argue that I was not jealous but soon I didn't care.

After we were done and had showed in the RV, separately it was too small, we were in the tent I was wearing one of my gray tank tops and one of Rick's button up shirts over it. I left the shirt unbuttoned. I was also wearing a pair of long capris with my used to be white converse sneakers. Rick was just in a plain white T and jeans. And man did he look good. We step out of the tent I'm pulling my hair into a high pony tail when we hear Carl scream and call for his dad. We both take off towards the noise.

I stop when I see Carl and Rick and John kelp going.

"Are you bit or scratched anywhere," I ask, but before he could answer I'm roughly pushed to the side by Lori.

"Are you bit," she demands. When he shakes his head no. I decide to head to where Rick went, but he holds his arm out to tell me to stay away. And the men start hitting the geek that had scared the kids. There's a deer it must have been eating. It has arrows all in it. Arrows that I know belong to Daryl. Which means he's close by.

The men finally knock the head off of the dead guy when Daryl walks into camp.

"Son of a birch," he exclaims. " That's my deer." He starts kicking the corpse. Dale tells him that that's not going to help. Daryl says something about a golden pond or something along those lines.

"You think we can cut around it," Daryl asks.

"I would not recommend that," John says. John and Daryl have an odd relationship. Since they met its like they have an understanding. John had always respected Daryl. He had even tried to get Shane to ask for Daryl's opinion on certain issues, but Shane always said he doesn't need a backwood hick's opinion. I asked John about Daryl once and he just said that Daryl has been surviving way before this apocalypse and if anyone is gonna survive it would be him.

Daryl looks put out that he didn't get the deer. Then something to his left catches his eye.

"What the hell people? You have to get the brain. Don't you know nothing," he says and stabs the still moving head of the geek with an arrow. Then walks towards camp.

"Merle, get ya ass out here I got us some squirrel," Daryl hollers.

"Hey Daryl hold up a bit," John says. I see realization come over him as he looks around and sees everyone, but his brother.

"Is he dead," he asks with a forced indifference.

"We're not sure," Rick says.

"You're not sure?! He either is it he ain't," he tells.

"Your brother does not play well with others," Rick says. He explains what happened.

"Hold on. Let me process this. You're saying that you handcuffed my brother to a roof. And left him there." He shouted the last part. Then all hell broke loose. All of a sudden Shane was there and putting Daryl in a choke hold. After they get Daryl calmed down. He gets up holding back tears.

"To hell with you to hell with all y'all! Just tell me where he is so I can go get him," he says.

Rick looks at me and I starts back at him. Finally I nod my head to the question he was silently asking.

"I'll show you," he says. Lori glares at him then over at me.

"You just got here and you're leaving," she says harshly. "What about your son. What about your _two_ girls," she puts a off emphases on two. I think she still doesn't like seeing Ella as his, "And what about your pregnant wife." Everyone's eyes immediately fall to my stomach. I scoff.

"Lori shut the hell up. Don't for one moment pretend you give a rat's ads about me and my kids. You couldn't care less. And we both know it," I say ignoring all the looks.

"You're pregnant," I hear Carl ask. He's standing with Ella and Jasmine's near holding Mia. I smile at then and walk over Rick follows.

"Yes, I'm pregnant." I look at Mia and say, " I have a baby I'm my tummy. Congratulations! You're guys are gonna have a baby brother or sister right around Christmas." Carl and Ella smile and give me a hug. Mia looks me dead in the eye.

"No I not get baby. I get a bunny," she says so seriously I have to laugh. I hear a few chuckles and I look back. I notice a few people have smiles Dale, T-dog, and Amy are among the smiles. Some look nervous: Carol, Jacque, and Glenn, but the ones who concern me are Shane and Andrea they look almost angry. Lori has no expression. I guess she was excepting a different reaction.

While I get bombarded with questions like when am I do, how far along, what do I think it is, and trying to answer any questions the kids have it gets decided that Rick, T-dog, Glenn and Daryl are going after Merle. Rick explains about the walkie talkie in the bag of guns and John immediately understands and agrees with him. Bobby tries to go, but John told him no. He was just now getting over that cough that he had. Bobby was angry and tried to argue that he was an adult. Bobby was a younger version of John with shaggier hair and a slightly smaller build, but other than that he's like his dad's clone. While they were arguing Rick had pulled Ella and Carl aside and was explaining to them why he had to go. They both nodded solemnly and hugged him. He came over to me and Mia. He missed on the head and then took her and handed her off to Jasmine. He then grabbed my hand and took me away from everyone.

He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and put a hand on either side of my face.

"I love you. I will be back. Come hell or high water, but I have to do this. I owe that man my life. His son is only a little older than Carl. I couldn't live with myself if they went into that city," he says while leaning his forehead against mine.

"I know baby, I know. I don't want you to go, but I know you have too. Let me just tell you this though Rick Grimes if you die I'm going to kill you. You come back in one piece. You hear me," I whisper trying to hold back tears. He half smiles. Then Daryl honks the horn yelling something out the back. Rick kisses me harshly.

"I'll be back," he says. I chuckle.

"Ok, Arnold," I say jokingly. He smiles and gets in the van. I stand there watching as it disappears. Hoping this isn't like that day so long ago. I turn around and head back towards Mia who's crying for her daddy to come back. It nearly told my heart out, but I know he will do anything to get back to us.


	7. Chapter 7

I now have two favorites on this story! I'm so excited! I'm always really self critical and think that no one's going to like what I have to put out there, but now I know at less three people like me. So thanks twilightladybg42, kenzie216, and twiliteclps. It really means a lot. So, here we go again moving right along. Oh and in case you haven't noticed I don't like Lori. I mean she singlehandedly made Shane lose his freaking mind, "leave my family alone" "why are you been mean to Carl" "don't talk to Carl" "no don't leave stay" "I don't love you". And don't get me started on her ninja manipulation tactics on Rick "Shane's dangerous" "he says you can't protect us" "oh my gosh! You killed him because he was trying to kill you". Just no. But it will soon be revealed why she's acting like this toward Joslyn. Maybe I will let her redeem herself a bit later on. And I think this is the last time I'm putting this an at least this story but I DO NOT OWN WALKING DEAD. Thank you . And on a side note anyone know why I can only see reviews on my email? If you do let me know please.

 **Chapter 7**

I needed to keep busy or I was gonna go insane. I decided to finish washing the clothes I didn't get to yesterday. Was that just yesterday? It seems like forever ago, but at the same time just a moment.

"Hey Mia you want to go swimming," I holler over at Mia, who is currently entertaining an upset Bobby with her singing.

"Nooo, I'm playing with BoBo," she says in a very scandalized voice for a toddler. How dare I try and take her from her BoBo? Her reaction had the desired effect Bobby actually smiles.

"Don't worry Auntie. I got her," Bobby says and swoops down to left her in the air over his shoulder. She squeals and laughs as he tickles her. There really is no better sound than hearing your kids laugh. I smile at the pair.

"Ella, you want to go down swimming or helping me finish laundry," I ask my sullen eight year old. Since Rick has left she has been sitting in the dirt looking towards the road, waiting. She shakes her head.

"I want to wait for dad," she says. I bite my lip. I don't want her up here by herself. Maybe I could do something around camp.

"I've got her, Jo," John says from on top of his RV. I nod my gratitude and go over and kiss her head.

"Listen to Uncle John ok? Don't go anywhere he can't see and if you change your mind tell him and have one of your cousins walk you down," I say looking in her eyes. She nods her head and looks back to the road absentmindedly raking her fingers through the dirt.

I go and grab our clothes and smile when I see Rick's dirty clothes. Now, don't get it twisted I don't have a laundry fetish. Matter of fact, I used to bitch him out for not putting his clothes in the hamper. I actually went on strike and didn't wash his clothes for a week till he learned to put them in the hamper. No, I'm happy cause it's more concrete evidence that he's alive. I start walking down to our local laundry mat with my basket when I see a figure up ahead walking towards me. Its Lori and she has Carl.

"Hey, buddy what's up," I stop and say to him ignoring Lori.

"I skipped "class" to go catch some frogs with Shane. Mom caught me," he says looking down on the ground. I chuckle with a class of three kids if one didn't show up it's easy to notice. Especially if it's your kid.

"I don't find slacking off your responsibilities funny," Lori says with a pointed look at me. I know she's talking about this morning. Oh, missy you got another thing coming. Two can play that game.

"I find shrugging off your responsibilities every once an a while is very beneficial to your health. If one remains to responsible all the time they become stuffy old boring people. Isn't that right Lori," I know that hits her she always had a problem with me being five years younger than Rick. I don't give her time to answer I carry on, " but don't do it a lot or you just become an irresponsible adult." I direct this at Carl so he knows that he has to find a balance. He nods his head.

"Carl, go up to our tent," Lori says in a tight controlled voice. When Carl is out of earshot. She lays into me. "Listen here. You are not his mother. I don't appreciate you going behind my back and rewarding bad behavior. How would you feel if I decided to start mothering Ella or Mia?"

"Well, I would be pretty concerned. I think it would only be minutes till I hear you saying "has anyone seen Mia or Ella" you always leave Carl with anyone around. You don't know these people. You don't know their stories. They could be rapist, pedophiles or murders. I mean look at Ed. Its not just good people who live. Yet, because you hate me so much, you ignore the safety of Carl and let strangers watch him instead of someone who's known him nearly his whole life, someone that loves him and would do anything to save him. Can you honestly say that Andrea, Dale or Carol would risk their life for him? That's what you are doing every time you ask one of these people to watch him. I know where my girls are at, at all times. If they are not with me then they are with their uncle, aunt, or cousins," I tell her. My face, I know, is red and I'm shaking slightly cause I'm so angry.

"I do hate you. If it wasn't for you, me and Rick would have worked things out. We were talking about it. About how we had been together for so long and had one kid. I was gonna breakup with Shane. We were sitting on the couch and I was gonna end it, but then I get this text from Rick saying that he wanted to go through with the divorce. That he wasn't happy and that I wasn't happy, because if I was than I wouldn't have cheated. That was it. So, I stayed with Shane hoping that this new relationship would fail and he would see he still loved me, but it didn't. Then I hear this little girl, who isn't his, calling him daddy, Carl saying that he has a little sister. Then there's a wedding and another little sister. And now another sibling. He always loved going to see his dad, because he had cousins and siblings to play with. On my weekends he would just sit and play video games, but after every weekend at dad's I would see pictures on Facebook of him smiling having so much fun camping or hiking or going to the park. He never smiles like that at our house. Did you know right before Rick got shot he asked if he could live with you guys?" Lori yells this last part. I stand there shocked so I say the first snarky comeback I can think of.

"I don't blame him." Lori gets this crazy look in her eyes then slaps me across the face. I instinctively raise my hand to my face. I look her dead in the eye.

"Bitch, you have about two seconds to run away, or your ass is mine," I say deadly calm. Her eyes go wide and she scampers off back to camp. Movement catches my eye. And I see Shane standing behind a tree. I wonder how much he heard, but guessing by the glare he has staring in the direction where Lori went, he heard everything or near enough. I pick up the clothes that fell and continue on to my task.

When I get down to the laundry area I realize I'm not the only one who has laundry on the brain.

"Hey Joslyn, come on over we don't bite," Amy says. Carol runs up and grabs my basket.

"You shouldn't be carrying that," she says.

"Carol it's fine. Mia weighs more than this," I reassure her. She still carries it down to the embankment for me. I start quietly doing my laundry. Until I hear my name and glance up to see them smirking at me.

"I'm sorry what," I ask. They all laugh.

"I was just saying how I miss my vibrator and how I'm jealous I don't have a hot cop to keep me warm at night," Andrea says.

"Be careful I was just told by Rick I get jealous when I'm pregnant and can go "cavewomen". Don't be ridiculous though you don't need to stay warm, these Georgia nights are hot enough," I pause. "Didn't stop us from making it hotter though," I say with a smirk. I turn around to get another piece of clothing from my basket.

"What happened to your face," Jacque asks. There must be a nice red handprint on it by now.

"Ran into a Bitch tree," I say.

"You mean Birch tree, " Andrea asks confused.

"No I mean Bitch," I casually say and keep doing my laundry. Realization dawns on her face.

"Lori did that. Gosh I have always seen her as passive. I'm oddly impressed," she catches the look on my face and quickly adds, "not that you deserved that. Its just I never would have thought she would do that," she pauses. "Man, Rick's gonna be pissed," she adds as an after thought.

"She doesn't need to be worried about Rick she needs to be worried about me. Back when Rick and I were still dating there was a rash of rapes and sexual assaults. So, he made me take these self-defense classes and I really liked them. Kept at it up until he got shot. Then I just had to much to worry about to go. The only reason she got that hit in is cause I never thought she was capable of it either. Which is stupid of me. The first rule of self-defense is never underestimate your opponent. Maybe that's where I messed up I didn't see her as an opponent," I realize I've been rambling and blush.

"Sorry, I tend to ramble a lot," I say.

"Its fine. So, what is it you miss," Amy says. I blush.

"Oh, this will be good," Andrea says with the most gleeful look I have ever seen on an adult. It was terrifying.

"Well, besides the knowledge that my kids were always relatively safe, I'd say I miss my bedroom." They all have almost disappointed looks in their faces.

"That's it. There has to be more," Andrea says and I blush. "I knew it. Spill," she says triumphantly.

" The room was sound proofed," I say blushing and looking down on the water. There was a brief moment of silence and then everyone cracked up. I realize I'm done with my laundry. So I go to stand up, only to have Ed, Carol's abusive asshole husband, come sauntering up , and he does NOT saunter well.

"What's so funny," he says.

"Just trading war stories Ed," Andrea says. The atmosphere immediately shifts from relaxed to tense. After that Andrea and Ed exchange insults and somehow that leads to Carol getting hit. Then out of no where Shane is there beating the holy hell out of Ed. It's kind of scary, not that Ed doesn't deserve every, but Shane is just savage. I know most of it is his anger at Lori for what she said earlier. He tells Ed if he lays hand on anyone else in the camp he would beat him to death. I believe him.

That night I'm in the RV giving Mia a bath. I'm thinking over what happened today not only with Ed, but Jim too. Poor Jim. I don't know what I would do if I lost any of my kids. We were just about to go out and eat before going to bed when I hear a bloodcurdling scream. I immediately pick Mia up and run to the back where the master bedroom is.

"Stay here," I say firmly. With wide, scared eyes she nods her little head causing her curls to bounce. I run to the front of the RV and throw the door open and I see my glimpse of hell. It's complete and utter hell. The smell of rotting flesh, the moans of the dead, the sound of gunfire and people screaming it was a sensory overload. Then I see a sight that will haunt me till the day I die. Sweet Abby pushing Ella up the ladder of the RV to safety and before she gets a chance to start climbing up, one of the dead grab her and rip out her throat.

"Abbbby, NO," I scream. All these memories of her when she was little come racing back. Her being little and packing a bag of stuffed animals, cause she was gonna go live with auntie Jo, of her crying every time the abused animals commercial came on and asking how people could be so mean, almost losing her and Jasmine when she was born, everything every memory comes running to the for front of my brain I don't even realize a pair of arms are wrapped around me till it's to late. I'm desperately trying to get away. I'm sobbing and hitting and pushing the body away until I hear it whisper in my ear

"Shh, baby I got you. Shhh." Rick. He made it back.

"Ella," I croak, " Go get Ella." He looks at me and nods. Then I here it the most gut-wrenching sound, the sound of grieving parents. I don't know what's worse Jasmine's screaming, or John's loud sobs of "Abby". I look over and see Bobby holding Brenda who is crying and shaking. I see Rick tell Ella to jump into his arms, not daring to go near the ladder. He catches her. I hear Mia start making her way to the front of the RV and I quickly turn and snatch her and carry her back to the bedroom. I finish getting her dressed as she was still wrapped in a towel I'm all jerky motions.

Rick enters with Ella on his hip. I look at him and fall down crying he gathers me up and holds me. Ella is just staring at the ground from the bed. Mia starts crying cause she has no idea what's going on.

"Go to your sister. I've got the girls," Rick says there's tears in his eyes. And I know he's thinking of the little ten year old girl that had a crush on him, until a new boy was in her class and she told Rick they were no longer gonna get married cause she met a boy that could beat her on the monkey bars.

"Are you sure? What about Ella," I whisper in a harsh voice.

"I've got it," he croaks. I kiss both my babies. Then I go out and collapse next to Jasmine and John and we all cry remembering Abby and how she was too good for this world. Even before it went to shit.

Authors note: ok I did not see that coming. Honestly I went back and forth with it being Abby or Jasmine. This will cause I little tension in the group I think. I kinda teared up to be honest. Just moments ago I was laughing at the part where Shane was beating Ed because it was so hard not to put "and out of no where John Cena" and then Abby died.

.


	8. Chapter 8

Guess who got another favorite to their story? This person! Thank you jupplyr and speedy964! So, I have literally been thinking about this all day. I almost have it all figured out like who's going to die and how. There is a poll on my profile that you can vote who you want together. If you don't know who Shawn is it's Maggie and Beth's brother, he was already dead when we meet the Greene's in the show. Go vote, please!

 **Chapter 8**

It's daylight. I'm sitting in my tent with Mia and Ella. I haven't slept. Ella woke up crying in her sleep all night, but that's not the only reason I can't sleep. My sister Jasmine doesn't want to talk to me. I have been thinking of the conversation in my head over and over.

It hadn't taken long for Abby to come back, but me, John or Jasmine couldn't do it. Shane came up and put a bullet in her head. He told John that they couldn't hate him anymore than they already did and walked away. I went to hold Jasmine, but she pushed me away. When I looked at her face I didn't see the tears and sadness I expected to see, instead it was this pure rage.

"You killed her! If you hadn't asked her to watch Ella she would still be alive! She wouldn't have died saving your daughter! Where were you?! You constantly get angry at Lori for leaving her son with other people and you did the same thing! And because of it Abby's dead," her voice broke on the last part. I tried to hold her again. I knew she didn't mean that. She can't mean that. She slapped my hands away. "No! Don't touch me! Don't look at me, don't talk to me and don't talk to my family!"

"I am your family," I said shocked.

"Not any more, you're just the reason my baby is dead. Keep Ella and Mia away too. I can't look at them without seeing Abby," with that she got up and left. I looked at John with tears running down my face. John just looked at me and then looked at the direction Jasmine walked off to.

"Just listen to her Joslyn," he said and walked to where his wife went. Bobby came up to me and stooped down on the ground where I was sitting. I looked up and expected to see the anger I had seen on his parents face, but I just seen sadness. He swallowed.

"She'll realize what she said and she'll apologize tomorrow. I'm sorry auntie Jo," he said. He looked off to where the sun was rising.

"You know, I loved my sister. She was always so funny, always willing to be the first to laugh at herself. She was always in one sport or another. And I will miss her and love her till the day I die, but there isn't one of us that wouldn't have died for Ella or Mia, that's mom included, she's just angry and sad right now," he said with tears in his eyes.

"She blames me," I said.

"Maybe right now, but not forever," he said. He finally looked at Abby lying there on the ground, covered in blood. He shrugged off his light blue jacket and covered her face, then got up and went into the RV. I had made my way to the tent after that. I sat on the bed with the girls sleeping behind me and Rick out helping deal with the bodies.

I was sitting in the very same spot when Brenda walked in and sat all of the baby stuff, that John and Jasmine bought, down by the tent entry. She didn't even look at me. I wanted to cry, but I had no more tears. I wanted to go and yell at Jasmine and tell her Abby offered to watch Ella while I bathed Mia. I wanted to hug her and tell her it's gonna be alright. But mostly I wanted to tell her, she's right. If I had just taken Ella with me it wouldn't have happened. Or if I had ran out to try and help, instead of being frozen by the door to the RV.

I needed Rick. I need his calm reassurance that it wasn't my fault, that I wasn't a bad mother. I need him to hold me so tight all the broken pieces meld back together, but I can't leave my kids again. What if it happened again and I wasn't with them? Someone else might die or they might get killed. No, I wasn't gonna leave them again.

After they woke up I got them dressed, Ella wasn't talking just staring out at nothing. What do I say? How do I help her? She watched her cousins be brutally murdered right in front of her. Her cousin that used to babysit whenever Rick and I had a date night. Her cousin that used to bake cookies with her while they danced and sang in the kitchen. I used to come home to a disorganized mess in the kitchen. Only to find all three girls asleep in a fort in the living room. I make Ella look at me.

"Baby, baby I love you. Its ok to cry for Abby. She's with the angels now. With grandma and grandpa up in heaven and I know she's looking out for you now," I say holding her chin. She jerks away and walks out of the tent.

"Ella wait," I shout and scoop Mia up to run and follow her.

When I exit the tent Ella wasn't far. She reached up and grabbed my hand and stepped closer. Daryl had a pick axe and was pacing in front of Jim. We head over to where Rick and everyone is gathered.

"What's going on," I say to my husband. Rick looks at me and eyes the dark circles under my eyes. He leans forward and kisses my forehead. Carl runs over and hugs me. I hug him back tightly and only let go after he does.

"Jims bit," Rick says gruffly, "we're trying to decide what to do. Any ideas?" I glance over and see Daryl with the pick axe, pacing like a caged predator. I swing my head to look at Rick with wide eyes.

"Surely, we're not gonna kill him," I say shocked.

"No, some in the group think that's the best idea, but I think we should try the CDC. They might have a cure. At the very least it would be secure," Rick says.

"I still say Fort Benning," Shane pipes in. John stands there not looking at anyone.

"I agree with Rick. The CDC is our best option. And it's closest," John says in the most defeated voice I ever heard. My eyes tear up at the sound, but I quickly blink them away before anyone noticed. Except my husband, because he grabs my hand and rubs soothing circles with his thumb on the inside of my wrist. When I glance up though he's looking over where Abby's body once laid. They must have moved it to the where we are burying them. I look at Ella only to see her staring in the same spot as well. I pull her close to my body and she turns and hides her face in my chest.

"I agree with Rick. If we can save Jim then it's worth it. We've already lost too many people. We need to save as many as we can," I say with a look at the blood stained ground.

We decide to try out the CDC. Camp is quickly taken down and put away, after we buried out dead and said our goodbyes. During the whole time Jasmine never looked at me. John stood by her side with his arm around her, Bobby and Brenda standing like still statues beside their parents.

We didn't have near as much stuff leaving the quarry as we did when we left the house. Luckily it all fit in my mini van. The stove, which we still hadn't used, the tent, our clothes, all of our pictures and the toys I had packed for Mia and Ella. It all fit in the back, we didn't even have to fold the seats down.

I strapped Mia in her car seat, she was holding tight to her police officer bear. I guess she sensed the tense atmosphere because she had been subdued all day. Ella still hasn't said one word I'm extremely worried. The one person who might know exactly what to do wasn't speaking to me.

"Hey we have room for a couple more people," I say. Rick walks over to me.

"I'll go see if Carl wants to ride," he pauses, "if Lori lets him," he adds. "Morales and his wife aren't coming." He glances down almost as if he's ashamed.

"Hey, hey," I say putting my hand on his cheek, "it's a good idea. If no one else thought it was a good idea they would have spoke up. Morales has family he wants to find. We would do the same thing if it was turned around. If John and Jasmine," I choke on her name, " if they weren't here we would go and find them. All we can do is wish them luck, give them a gun, and pray for their safety. That's all we can do," I say and give him a soft kiss on the mouth. I lean in and whisper in his ear " I would really appreciate it if Carl could ride with us. I think Ella needs it." I shoot my eyes towards her and Rick does too. He nods his head and heads off to see.

No matter what Rick said, and no matter that Carl wanted to ride with is, Lori wouldn't let him. So, Carol and Sofia rode with us. It was quiet except Mia was making her bear sing some shrill song about whatever came to her head.

"And I said no. Cause you a meanie. And I went and played. And the puppy was happy," the lyrics made no sense, but I'm pretty sure it was my new favorite song.

"Momma," Mia belts out she had been whispering the song so it scared all of us when she yelled.

"Yes, baby," I say turning around to see her. She looks at me and smiles a big toothy grin that you can't help but smile back.

"I want a puppy," she says.

"I thought you wanted a bunny," I say confused by where this suddenly came from.

"No I want a puppy, cause puppies go woof, woof. And I don't know what a bunny says," she says in the logical voice of a three year old. I smile.

"Maybe when you get older ok," I say and glance at Rick only to see him smiling from ear to ear. He grabs my hand and looks at me. Little moments like these feel almost normal.

"Dadddddy, I have to pee," she says throwing her body up against her car seat restraints.

"Ok," but before he could honk his horn Dale's RV starts smoking and we all come to a standstill. I unbuckle my seat belt and quickly get Mia out of the car. I don't want her to have an accident.

"Ella, do you have to go to the bathroom," she shakes her head no.

"Ok stay here," I hesitate and look at Carol. She smiles and nods her head.

"Don't worry, I'll watch her," she says. I bite my lip. There's a knowing look in her eye.

"It ok," she says gently. I nod and say thanks. Then head towards Dale's RV.

"Nooo," Mia protests. "That one." She points to John's RV. Bobby is standing there and walks over to is.

"What's the matter," he says.

"Mia needs to use the bathroom. Don't worry I'll take her to Dale's," I say.

"Don't be stupid. Here I'll take her. Mom isn't going to say no to her niece," he pauses, "but maybe you should stay out her." Mia goes to him easily and he takes her into the RV. I walk back to the car, only to hear Jacque yell out something.

"it's Jim he's bad," she says. Shane goes up ahead to see if he can get anything for the RV. Rick goes to talk to Jim.

By the time Shane comes back I'm buckling Mia back in. I reach into the hidden center in the floorboard, because Mias saying she's hungry I used to keep snacks in there. Jackpot I found some cheese crackers. I walk around to the back and grab three juice boxes, I still have some left, then give Sofia, Mia and Ella one. I grab a napkin form the glove box and scoop some cracked out of the box. Then go get another juice. I walk over to Shane and Lori's car and give Carl the snack. He smiles and tells me thanks. Lori looks like she's about to spit nails.

"You had crackers this whole time and didn't say anything at camp. What else do you have hoarded away," she says. I roll my eyes.

"I completely forgot about them till Mia said she was hungry. She always has a habit of getting hungry at the worst times. So, I always kept a snack on hand, just in case," I say and walk back to the car. I get in the passenger seat and sit sideways with the door open. Rick walks over.

"Jim wants to stay," he says solemnly.

"What? Here," I say in disbelief. He just nods.

I see them help him out and sit him down by a tree. I never really got to know Jim, but no one deserves to die alone on the side if the road. I ask Carol to watch the girls one more time. She nods.

I walk over to where everyone is saying goodbye. After everyone else has said their goodbyes. I walk over to him and kneel down.

"I'm so sorry Jim. You don't deserve this," I say to him. He just smiles and looks down at my belly.

"May I," he ask.

"Can I say no to a dying man," I try to joke. He smiles.

"Well you could, but it wouldn't be very nice." He puts his hand on my belly.

"Me and my wife were gonna have a third, but she lost it. We found out that she couldn't have any more. Our two boys were miracles. That's what this baby is. Its what all kids surviving in this world are," he pauses and looks at me, " you keep them safe, all of them," he says. His hand drops.

"I will Jim. Bye," I say. He nods and tries to smile, but it looks more like a grimace. I make my way back to the car, Rick's already sitting in the driver's seat. He smiles when I slide in. And we leave.

It's starting to get dark when we get near the CDC. And the view does not look promising. It's a war zone. We all cautiously make our way to the building. I'm holding Mia and have Ella's hand. The building has metal shutters down, but it seems deserted. Everyone's yelling at Rick. Saying we need to go, but Rick is yelling at the building, or more specifically the camera he said he saw move.

"We have women and children. Please my wife's pregnant. You're killing us," he shouts.

Suddenly light shines on us and one man is standing there. He tells us we need to submit to a blood test, which we all agree too. We run out and get the stuff I grab our clothes, one family album, Mr. Police bear and the newborn size diapers, but that's it. I assume that we can come back out when we have to make runs. There's no way that place can sustain twenty people for long. I run back to the building and after everyone makes it back in, the doors go down.

"I'm Doctor Jenner," our rescuer says.


	9. Chapter 9

So, I had a crappy day at work. Then I have to do this chapter and I have always hated them at the CDC. I seriously thought about glancing over it, but I'll suck it up and get it over with. Also don't forget the poll I have. And I have the best name picked out for the baby I'm so excited. Anyway on to the story.

 **Chapter 9**

I was holding Mia trying to calm her down, shots were always an eventful time. She rears back in my arms.

"Owie mommy! It hurrrts," she sobs sticking her arm out where the Band-Aid was in the crease of her elbow. "Kiss it mommy," she says with big tears running down her face. I kiss it and glance at Rick he looks torn. We both had to hold her down in order for Jenner to get her blood. She screamed bloody murder and kept saying it hurts daddy. I honestly didn't know who to hold her or Rick. I thought I would have to do the same to Ella, but she just sat there staring straight ahead while her blood was drawn.

Jasmine gave us a wide birth as did John, but I think that was more so for his wife. We were all sitting around eating and some drinking was going on. Jasmine and John had quickly ate and then headed to shower and go to bed, but everyone else was drinking and joking around.

"Here you go Auntie Jo. Oops I forgot you can't have this. Looks like I'll just have to drink it myself," Bobby says with a grin. I glance at Rick and he hides a half smirk.

"Bobby, last I checked you weren't twenty-one yet," Rick says in his stern cop voice that just, does things to me. Oh, that man is wicked. Not only is he getting payback on my behalf, but he knows exactly what that voice does to me. The smile slips from Bobby's face and his eyes get big.

"You're not serious, Rick? Age doesn't mean shit now," he says, only to cause a deeper scowl to appear on my husband's face for his language. "I mean stuff," he corrects.

"Age doesn't mean 'stuff' now," Rick says. Bobby is sweating now. Finally, Rick cracks a smile and Bobby releases a breath. Everyone else chuckles.

"Don't tease my wife," Rick says while throwing his arm on the back of my chair. We were having a good time laughing and talking so of course Shane had to ruin it. After he had Jenner tell us what happened to everyone else it was a somber mood after that. We all decided to head off to bed after we took showers. I gave Mia a quick shower, poor thing was falling asleep while I washed her hair. Ella had already showered and was curled up on a cot and was breathing deeply obviously asleep. I laid Mia down on the other cot we put in our room earlier. As soon as I had put Mia down and covered her up Rick wrapped his arms around me. I smiled. Rick got one of two ways when he drank. It he went out drinking with the guys he got emotional, but if I was with him he got horny.

"You heard Jenner we shouldn't waste hot water. Lets shower together," he says sloppily kissing my neck. I don't argue.

He quickly falls asleep after our shower activities, but I head up to the kitchen to see if I can find any chocolate. When I go past Shane and Lori's room I hear them yelling at each other.

"I heard you! I know exactly how you feel. And apparently how you still feel about," I hear Shane yell, but I keep walking not wanting to eavesdrop. Thank God, Bobby offered to bunk with Carl. He shouldn't have to hear that.

I reach the kitchen Only to come face to face with my sister. She freezes as do I. Then she glares at me and tries to leave.

"Jaz, wait," I call out reaching for her. She stops and turns to face me. The look she gives me causes a fist to clutch my heart.

"You know I went to your room to apologize, but then I heard you and Rick in the bathroom. It's like you don't even care. You just lost your niece and you still decide to screw Rick's brains out. Oh, but I forget that is your fail safe coping mechanism. I mean thank God dad died when he did or you might not have slept with James and had Ella," she sneers. I pull away I cover my mouth.

"How'd you know it was James," I breathe out.

"Oh, please it was easy. I was so disgusted with you. That was Daddy's best friend. He was nearly twice your age. I remember you mooning over him when Daddy got sick. Does Rick know? Does he know you threw yourself at a married man? Does he know that Ella had a half-sibling not my a year later," she says.

The truth is, she has no idea what happened that night. None. I hear a gasp in the hallway and see Ella standing there with tears running down her face.

"Ella," I say and step forward, but she runs off. I turn to Jasmine, but even she seems upset about what happened. I slap her without thinking. Her hand goes to her cheek and she looks at me with a shocked look.

"You have no idea what you are talking about! You have no idea what you have just done," I say in a deadly voice. I turn and run after Ella. I find her hiding in the rec room. I sit by her and put my arms around her.

"What she said it isn't true. Some of it is, but not all of it. When you're older I'll tell you if you want," I pause, "Rick is your dad. He's known you your whole life. He's the one who scared away monsters, who taught you to ride a bike, who spent a whole month building a tree house for you and Carl. He's the one who spent a whole weekend pushing cookie sales for girl scouts so you could go to camp. No matter what anyone says HE is your dad. But, if you ever want to know about the other man I will tell you. Just when you're older. You won't understand now," I say on the brink of tears. She looks at me with silent tears sliding down her face and slowly nods her head.

I end up holding her like that until she fell asleep. I have to carry her to bed. It's been a long time since I've had to carry her, Rick always makes it look so easy, but my baby isn't a baby anymore. Rick ends up finding me in the hall. I guess he woke up and came looking for me. He raises one eyebrow at my predicament, then sees my face and his eyebrows draw together in concern. He grabs her out of my arms and we walk back to the room.

After we lay her in bed. He grabs my hand and leads me to our bed.

"What happened," he says still holding my hand.

"Jasmine," I choke out. He immediately stands up in anger thinking that my sister yelled accusations at both me AND Ella. I pull him back down. "No, no. She brought up James," I say. He looks at me with a disbelieving look.

"Why the fuck would she bring him up," he says angry again.

"She knows," he raises and eyebrow. "She knows James is Ella's father, but she doesn't know the whole story. Ella heard her talking," I whisper even lower at the last part. Rick shoots up again, but I don't pull him back down.

"I'm her dad," He whisper shouts, " no matter what, I'm _her dad_. I'm the one who held her when she cried. I'm the one who went to the father/daughter dances at school. She may not have my blood in her veins, but she has my name and my heart! How dare she even bring up that waste of space that calls himself a man!" The whole time he was talking he was pacing back and forth running his hands through his hair. I stand up and wrap my arms around him. He slowly, ever so slowly returns the favor.

"I know. And I told Ella as much. She understands that, but I told her," I swallow, "I told her if she wants to know I'll tell her, when she's older though." He tightens his arms around me.

"I don't want her to not see me as her dad anymore," he says in a broken whisper.

"You will always be her dad. No matter what," I say looking in his eyes.

"Daddy," we hear a little whisper from Ella's cot. It's the first thing she's said since Abby and I feel like crying even more. We look over and she's still asleep.

"I'm here baby. I'm not going anywhere," he bends down and kisses her temple. He sweeps her hair away from her face and just rests his hand there for a bit. She sighs in her sleep and seems to go into a deeper sleep.

"Come on Rick. Lets sleep. I'm totally exhausted," I say. I have dreams about walkers and James.

I wake up more tired then I was when I went to sleep. I look around and Rick must have got the girls dressed. I only than realize I'm sweating. The air conditioner isn't working when I head out to the hall I notice everyone poking their head out. How long was I asleep?

"Babe, I go get some food from the kitchen. I have to talk to Jenner, somethings going on. Here take Mia," Rick says putting Mia's hand in None and kissing my temple. I get dressed and pack all of our stuff plus all the bathroom supplies. I have a feeling we won't be staying long. I set all of it by the door.

"Come on Mia let's go to the kitchen," I say. She smiled and grabs my hand. When we get to the kitchen everything shuts off. I run down the hall only to run into a big steel door. I can't hear or see anything. I start banging on it, but nothing happens. I turn around and see Mia staring at me. I scoop her up and go back to the room. I don't know what to do. I don't want to go to far and get lost. Most of the building is shrouded in darkness I barely found it back.

A few minutes later I hear door steps running. I pop my head out and see Daryl and Shane running and gathering their stuff followed by everyone else. Lori has Carl of course.

"Where's Rick and Ella and John and Jasmine," I tell out.

"Get your shot woman. Their coming," Daryl yells. I pick Mia up then along some bags over my shoulder. Bobby comes by and grabs the other two. I smile at him, but he doesn't smile back.

"Come on we have to run," he says seriously.

"Rick and Ella," I say scared. I can't leave without then, but no sooner than I said it then I see Rick running carrying Ella. I also see John carrying Jasmine over his shoulder and she telling at him and slapping his back. Rick grabs my hand and we take off.

We make it to the top level and Carol hands Rick a grenade. It's able to get is though the bullet proof glass we run to the cars and I'm still confused why we're running. I notice Dale, Andrea and Jacque aren't with us.

"Rick we're missing people we need to wait," I say.

" We can't it's gonna blow up," he calls over his shoulder. We make it to the van and put the girls in them Rick pushed me on top of them. I see him glance over at the jeep for Carl then he lays down on top of me.

I once say to close to a cannon one fourth of July I will never forgot how deafening the sound was. It had to be the loudest sound I had ever heard, but the CDC blowing up near that twice over and then some. And then the heat came. This blast of warmth that felt like hell itself was breathing on you.

We lost Dale, Andrea and Jacque, but when I look back I see Andrea and Dale's head pop up from behind a military barricade. No Jacque. We all quietly settle ourselves into our vehicles and drive away. I looked in the review mirror and had a flashback of driving away from Atlanta all those weeks ago. I looked over and seen Rick. No it's different now I had Rick and as long as we stayed together or would be fine.

Authors note: so you know that stuff that Rick said to Jenner in the show well John said that instead. I don't see my Rick as being so depressing. I'm sorry if this chapter sucks I really did not like the CDC part in the show so I tried to speed it along. Oh and next chapter is the last chapter to answer the poll. Only one person's voted. I mean I will make that one person happy, but I want others to have a chance as well. Haha thanks for reading please review of you can


	10. Chapter 10

I'm so happy I got a couple more following the story thanks so much hermioneandmarcus for the review. I really appreciate it! It's a big confidence boost. Also, I got over a hundred visitors which is cool. This story is kind of writing itself. I had a young douche bag picked out for Ella's dad and then it turned into a married old guy, that may or may not of been consensual on Joslyn's part. I did not see that coming. The main reason I didn't have her in on the whole CDC conversation was cause I couldn't remember everything that was said and I wanted to get through it as fast as possible. And the poll is tied two and two. This will be the last chapter it's opened. It will close tomorrow at six in the evening. If it remains tied I know which couple I'll pick as I already have some really good stories for them. So thank you for following, favoriting and reviewing. You guys are awesome.

 **Chapter 10**

While we were in the car Rick told me what Dr. Jenner had told them back at the CDC. Apparently, this disease kills you, but it restarts your brainstem. You have no memories, no thoughts, no feelings. You just walk and eat anything living. In away it's a relief. I was always afraid that somewhere deep inside they knew what was going on, but were unable to stop it. Now we know.

He also told me that Jasmine wanted to stay and get herself blown up along with Andrea, Dale only stayed to save Andrea. John carried Jasmine out by force. The only one that succeeded in staying was Jacque. I'm so angry at Jasmine. Brenda was going to stay with her and that still didn't make her want to leave. How can you be so selfish you were gonna leave people who love you, because you're grieving? And she called my method bad!

"There's something else," my husband says pitching his voice low so the girls and Carol and Sofia don't hear. "Jenner told me," he pauses and takes a deep breath, " he told me that we're all infected."

"What," I say a little too loudly. I glance back only to see Mia playing with her toys we had abandoned in the car when Jenner oh so graciously allowed us into his ticking time bomb, Ella and Sofia are watching one of the cartoons, that was one of the few we kept in the car for long trips, on the car DVD player we had and Carol asleep. I turn back to look at my husband he nods.

"It doesn't matter how we die. If we die we turn into a walker. No matter what," he rakes a hand through his hair, " I don't know if I should tell everyone else."

"Of course you should," I say shocked, " Rick we have no idea what's in store for us. The last thing we need is someone crying over a somebody they lost, from something other than a walker, and then get bit cause they weren't expecting it. No, you need to tell them." I look my husband in the eye. He nods and looks back to the road, but he puts his hand on my thigh while he drives. His eyes are drawn together and he's far to severe looking for my liking. I decide to try and make him smile that beautiful smile of his.

"Hey baby," I say running the tips of my fingers along his forearm. He glances down and I can feel him relax at my touch.

"Yeah," he rumbles back.

"Did I ever tell you that I am forever grateful about calling them walkers? I hated calling them geeks. I always pictured suspenders, glasses and a calculator, it made them less scary. Walkers on the other hand isn't something we used normally," I say, but then I start thinking. "Dammit," I whisper. Only to here Rick laugh.

"Let me guess. You now picture them _with_ walkers," he says laughing.

"Its horrible," I say shaking my head pretended to be ashamed.

"Honey, I don't care how you picture them in your head. Just as long as you run the opposite way when you see them," he says.

"Nah, if they have a walker I would feel obligated to stop and help them pick up their fallen body parts," I say chuckling. Our humor has evolved into the dark side a bit, but I guess however you deal with stress is fine. Just as long as you deal with it. I suddenly go down a dark road. My humor gone. I look back at the girls. They are all doing relatively the same thing as before. I turn back to my husband.

"Rick," I say swallowing back bile, "Will you promise me something?"

"Anything," he says before seeing my face and becoming alarmed. At any other time I would have found it comical how his head kept swiveling trying to look at me and keep an eye on the road.

"Rick if," I pause, "if anything happens to me, I need you to promise you won't let me become a Walker." His eyes go big. I see his throat working hard. His hand that had been resting on my leg is now nearly clawing my leg. He looks over at me. I can see he's picturing it, me becoming a Walker.

"I promise," he says harshly turning back to the road.

"And," I say.

"There's more," he says sharply. "you just made me promise to kill you and now you're adding more." He's angry. I know the feeling. Even the thought of losing him, especially after just getting him back, is heartbreaking.

"Just one more baby. If anything does happen you have to stay present. The kids can't lose both of is. Can you promise me Rick," I say tears trying to fall, but I refuse to let them. So, much for cheering him up. I think I only made it a thousand times worse.

"Why are we even talking about this? Nothing will happen to you. I won't let it," he says and tries to pull his hand off my, I'm sure now bruised, leg but I grasp his hand, holding it there.

"Rick." He looks at me.

"Fine, I promise. But it's not gonna happen. Ever," he nearly spits out. I take his hand and kiss his palm. He takes a deep breath. We don't talk about if something happens to the girls or Carl. Its just to painful to even think about. Just then my stomach makes the loudest sound its ever made. Rick raises his eyebrow.

"Hungry," he asks with a smile.

"Was that a dinosore," Mia says. I chuckle I shake my head at her

"Shut up. The CDC kinda blew up before I got breakfast," I say to Rick. Then turn my head to my shocked three you old. "No that was mommy's tummy. Me and the baby are just hungry," I turn back to Rick, "Why'd you let me sleep so late anyway," I ask. His eyes are amused from Mia's comment.

"You needed the sleep. So, I took the girls and let you rest," he says.

"You took care of them, hungover," I ask.

"Baby, I wasn't that drunk," he says smirking.

"No, but you were. Because last night…and then the shower," I question. His smile broadens.

"Yeah, that shower was great," he says cockily.

"You played me," I jokingly accuse. I then get an evil idea. "Huh, you sure fooled me. It didn't last that long. Usually you last longer when you're sober." His smirk drops and he looks at me with something like respect. I smile.

"Don't start a game with a master, baby, cause you will always lose," I lean in and kiss his cheek. All of a sudden we stop. There's a traffic jam. Miles of abandoned cars lie in front of us. Daryl is trying to find us a way through with his motorcycle, but Dales RV breaks down.

"Stay here I'll go ask what's going on," Rick says. Rick walks up to the group gathered around his RV. I can see Dale getting worked up, but then he glances around and calms down. Everyone starts heading off looking through cars. Rick comes back to the van.

"Hey we're looking though the cars for supplies. Do you want to stay in the car?"

I glance behind me and see Mia's heavy eyes that she's trying to keep open and decide I'm gonna stay and try to get her to nap. Carol and Sofia decide to go look, as does Ella. I swallow hard on that. Flashbacks of the quarry come rushing back. Rick looks at me.

"I got her. Nothing well happen to her," he promises. I nod.

When they all get out of the car I lay the back seat out and spread a blanket along with some toys then I lay down with Mia. She quickly falls asleep and I decide to close my eyes, although I'm not tired. I hear the door open and look to see Brenda pop her head in.

"Auntie Jo," she says quietly, " is there anything you want me to look for?" I guess this is her olive branch.

"Just some stuff for the baby and maybe I few bigger sizes for Mia," I say and wince thinking of why people would leave that stuff behind. She nods and smiles then closes the door as quietly as she can.

I reach for another blanket deciding if I'm staying in here, I might as well nap. I can't sleep without a blanket or something over me. I cuddle closer to Mia, she was always my little cuddlebug. Ella was never big into cuddling unless we were watching a movie or reading, but Mia wouldn't need an excuse. You could be sitting on the couch on your phone and here she comes with a blanket ready to cuddle.

Before I can get settled down it goes oddly quiet. Before I was hearing the random car door being open and closed, but now nothing. All of a sudden shadows start passing by the windows.I barely move my head already fearing what it was. There was a mass of walkers passing by. I feel my heart trying to leap out of my chest I'm almost positive it can be heard by them. I start thinking about everyone else. Ella, oh my God Ella. The second time this happens and I'm not with her.

I try to control my breathing, but it's not working. I can't catch my breath. I'm so scared I revert back to a child's idea of safety, if I can't see them they can't see me. So, I pull the blanket slowly over mine and Mia's head. The whole time trying to start breathing normally again, but I can't. I'm gonna pass out. Please, Mia stay asleep. Please let Carl and Ella and Rick be ok. Please please please.

Black spots start appearing in my vision. Oh, God I'm gonna die. Oh, God I'm gonna die and I'm alone in the car with Mia! I'm gonna turn into a walker and then. I can't finish the thought. My world is going black and soon I'm pass out, but not before I hear a girls scream. Ella! Then nothing.

Authors note: sorry for the short chapter I know they are usually longer than this, but I got home started writing it then fell asleep. Lol I have to get up early tomorrow, but I wanted to put a chapter up. Next chapter will be longer I promise. I might be getting off work early! So if you are good and review you might good two chapters ;). Lol thank you everyone for following and favoriting. And twilightladybg42 thanks for reviewing. I seen it right when I was thinking about just waiting till tomorrow to post. Poll is closing at 6 tomorrow but if there is no difference it might get closed earlier. Also I meant to misspell dinosaur, because Mia over pronounced the saur part making it sore. Anyway, I'm sorry for such a short chapter. :(


	11. Chapter 11

I'm so ecstatic! Thanks to you guys for reviewing and favoriting. Its literally the first thing I check when I get up and today I woke up to six emails. And I'm so excited. Guys, I'm really trying to make Lori redeem herself, she just keeps saying snide little remarks. The poll is now closed. It was a tie so I'm going to go with the couple I had been thinking about almost all the way through to Alexandria. There's a new poll open too. I have been going back and forth with whether or not Judith should be in this. And someone asked me to find a soul mate for Daryl and I will try he's my favorite character by far. If I can make it flow with the story, I will! Don't worry though I have a few stories in my head for him later on. ;)

 **Chapter 11**

I woke up to Bobby fanning my face. I realized that I was laying on the hot pavement I jackknifed up.

"Ella! I heard her scream! Where is she," I panic pulling on Bobby's shirt. Bobby wraps his large hands around mine trying to get me to let go.

"She's fine Auntie Jo! I promise," Bobby tries to reassure me.

"No, no. I heard a girl scream. Don't lie to me Bobby," I say on the brink of another panic attack.

"I'm not! See for yourself," he says pointing in the direction of my van. And there she is. Maybe a little dirtier, but alive sitting on the floor board with her feet on the ground. I get up to go over to her, but as soon as I stand my vision gets fuzzy.

"Woah, woah," Bobby says steadying me. Dale walks over to us concerned.

"Joslyn, I hope you don't find me intruding, but when's the last time you ate," he asks kindly. I stop and think.

"Dinner yesterday at the CDC," I say in a shaky voice. We are steadily walking to my van while we are talking. I finally reach Ella and touch her cheek. She jumps. She was staring intently at the woods and didn't even notice me approaching. I smile. I glance inside and see Mia still asleep she had kicked the blanket off 71st some point.

"How did you guys know I wasn't just asleep," I ask curious. I absentmindedly kiss Ella's head.

"Easy you wouldn't wake up and you were drenched in sweat," Bobby says. Before I can say anything else Dale starts talking to me again.

"Pardon me, but you wouldn't happen to be diabetic. Would you?"

"No, I'm not. Although when I was pregnant with Ella I had gestational diabetes, but I didn't have it with Mia," I say. Then everything clicks. I had been craving more sweets lately, even before. I was adding sugar on my ice cream and just about everything else. The doctor probably just hadn't caught it yet.

"Oh, well that explains a lot," I say. "It probably doesn't help that I also had a bit of a panic attack when the walkers came by," I add. The voice I expect to hear doesn't pipe up, as a matter of fact it had been pretty quiet. I look around, but Rick isn't there.

"Where's my husband," I say. My heart steadily picking up. Bobby looks at Dale then at me. He takes a breath.

"Auntie Jo, I'm gonna go get you some food. Then I'll tell you. Just know that he was ok the last time I seen him," he says. Well _that's_ reassuring. I try not to panic. I look back at Ella as Bobby jogs to John's RV. I see John pacing up and down the little bit of highway in front of where Ella was staring off at. I put two and two together and realize Rick must have went in there.

I start counting people. Lori and Shane look to be having a quiet argument. Carl looks miserable sitting in Lori's car. Brenda is leaning against her dad's RV biting her lip so hard I'm afraid she'll cause it to bleed. T-dog is standing behind Dale's RV holding his arm, is that blood? Glenn is on top of Dale's RV with Andrea. Daryl is going through cars still. And Jasmine is holding Carol. I look again, but I don't see Sofia. Then I realize what happened. The scream I heard wasn't Ella it was Sofia. Rick must have went after her. Bobby comes back with a box of frosted cereal. I take it and start eating handfuls.

"Why did Sofia go into the woods," I ask Bobby. Bobby looks surprised then looks at Dale.

"I didn't say a word," Dale says lefting his hands up in a placating gesture.

"Its called deductive reasoning," I say. "I heard a scream. Everyone is preoccupied with that bit if woods," I say pointing at the door, "Sofia and Rick are missing. So, what caused her to run off into the woods." I stare at bobby. He begins to explain.

The walkers came from no where. Luckily they were all able to hide. Rick had warned Lori and Carol and was able to get Ella, Carl and Sofia under some cars. Sofia thought the coast was clear, but there were a few stragglers. So, when she crawled out they started chasing her and Rick took off after them yelling at John to watch Carl and Ella and that's the last anyone had seen the two. Then when Bobby went to bring me a shaken up Ella he couldn't wake me up.

I hear little sounds coming from the van, Mia is waking up. I start thinking what would have happened had she been awake when the walkers came through. Would I have been able to keep her quiet? I need to talk to Rick. We need to make it where she understands to not make a noise around them.

"Where's Sofia," I hear Carol call our desperately. When I look up I see my husband emerging from the woods, but he doesn't have Sofia. My heart jumps in my throat. Rick stops and looks around.

"You mean she's not back yet," he says worriedly. I bite my lip. Its quickly decided that Rick will take Daryl, John, Shane and Glenn to where he left Sofia. Before they head back in the woods Rick comes over and gives me and the girls a kiss. Mia pushes him away she's still grumpy her nap wasn't long enough, but Ella latches her arms around his neck.

"Don't leave," I hear her breath in his ear.

"I have to honey. If that was you I wouldn't stop," he says. She lets go and nods her head. Carl walks over and Rick pulls him in and plants a quick kids to his hair.

"Carl. I'm leaving you in charge. Watch out for your baby sister's and m..Joslyn," he says. We all know what he was about to say, but decide not to bring attention to it.

"Yes, sir. I got it. Just bring Sofia back" he says. Rick nods.

"I'll do my best," he says.

I decide to have a look around through the cars and I have the kids help me. I'm trying to keep their mind off of what's going on. I'm playing a real life game of I spy. I list some random, but normal things and send Ella and Carl to find them. If they find whatever it is, then they get ten points. But if they give up, I take away five points and if they bring back the wrong color or size then they only get five. First to a hundred wins.

I was holding Mia's hand, she was always very well behaved when we went shopping and never took off or let go of my hand. Now Ella, was a different story. I seriously thought about getting one of those child leashes for her, but everyone was always so critical of them. I'm just happy she grew out of that phase. I open one car and look in the three suitcases that's in the trunk. I find a few large women shirts and take them. I'm gonna need them soon enough, but that's my only real find.

"Ok guys. Lets make it back to the RVs," I say. We had actually walked pretty far down, but I knew Dale could still see is with his binoculars.

"Bubba, I want horsey ride," Mia says reaching for Carl. He smiles and bends down to let Mia climb up for a piggy back ride. Carl took to been a big brother like a fish to water. Even with Ella he was always very protective. When we found out about Mia he was so excited. I think he was a little disappointed she wasn't a boy, but he never said anything about it. Him and Ella rarely fought, which I am really grateful for. They just mesh well. I used to joke they could have been twins the way they worked together. They never had to talk to one another they just instinctively moved fluidly together.

"So, what do you think this baby is a boy or a girl," Carl says panting slightly from the extra weight.

"Hmm it's hard to say. I know I have a few names picked out for either, but I haven't ran them across your dad yet," I say.

"What are they," Ella pipes in.

"Well when I was pregnant with Mia we talked about naming her Carter of she was a boy," I say Ella wrinkles her nose. It's the same expression Mia gets when she doesn't like something and I have to laugh. "Carl you can put her down. Mia hold bubba's hand," I say. Carl looks relieved, Mia pouts slightly but holds his hand. "Then the name I had picked for a girl. Well I want to run that by your dad first. It's a name I found in a baby book, but it's a good name. I'm hoping he has some good names picked out for a boy," I say. Ella nods her head in agreement.

"Yeah cause Carter was a kid in my class and he ate his boogars every day," she says with that wrinkled nose. I laugh at her.

"Ok no boogar eating Carter for our baby," I say smiling.

When we make it back to our car the sun is starting to set and Carol is crying asking Rick how he could leave her out there. I guess still no Sofia. We sleep in the cars that night. Rick's hand is around me and is proactively on my belly. I fall into a fitful sleep with strange dreams.

The next morning nearly everyone is going to look in the woods for Sofia. Except Dale, who was trying to fix his RV, T-dog, who was hurt, me because of my pregnancy and the girls for obvious reasons. Although, Ella wanted to go, but I talked her into staying to help me find more stuff in the cars.

"Hey! You can't play without me," Carl pipes up. I can't believe Lori is actually letting him go.

"Play what," Rick asks.

"Apocalypse I spy," I say with a grin. "They find the things I say they get ten points. First to a hundred wins."

"But it's not that simple there are rules," Carl says. Like maybe the game sounded too easy so he needed to make it difficult so people would get why we played.

"Oh, I see," Rick tries to hide a grin. He gives me and the girls a kiss and heads off. Carl gives us a hug.

"Don't worry we won't play without you," I say to him before he leaves. He smiles and walks off.

Before John had left he gave us all some food so we could have breakfast. After we ate I decide to let the girls play for a bit. I had found some chalk in one of the cars and they were busy coloring. I was sitting by Dale when T-dog came up.

"Shouldn't you be fixing a radiator hose," he asks.

"I fixed it yesterday," he says T-dog and I look at him in surprise. "if people had known it was fixed. They might not have stayed. There was already talk of leaving it behind since we have John's. So I'm buying time. For Sofia. For Carol," he says. "Now, I think this goes without saying that I would like for this to stay between us." He looks at me and T-dog

"That's one tricky hose," T says. I nod in agreement.

"That it is," Dale says with a smile. "Joslyn tell us something about you before the turn."

"And out of nowhere Dale with the hard questions," I say grinning. He smiles back.

"I was always curious about your and Lori's situation, but thought it rude to ask. And you seemed to hold yourself back when we were at camp." I nod agreeing.

"I've never been good at trusting people except for Rick. Right off I knew I could trust him. No idea why, but something about him just screams 'trust me' 'you're safe' 'come have my babies'" I say. They laugh. "Maybe that last one was just me. Rick's the best man I ever met. He thinks of Ella as his own. And he's an amazing dad to her and Carl and Mia. I think he would walk though fire if it meant making them smile." I pause smiling at the memory that just surfaced, "The day he adopted Ella was on our wedding day. It took me by surprise. He had got all the necessary papers in order. Then the day came and right before I say I do he stopped me. I thought he had finally seen all my flaws and realized it wasn't worth it, but instead he says 'I know I asked you to become a Grimes and I know we often forget, because it so easy to, but I want to make Ella a Grimes legally as well' and then Carl walks up with the adoption papers. I just lost it and kissed him. I was wondering why he was so adamant on having a judge marry us. It was so it could be notarized the same time as our marriage. He later said he wanted to adopt Ella sooner, but wanted us to become a Grimes on the same day. He never was scared to be her dad. We met when she was one. And when she started talking she called him dad. The first time it happened we both just kind of stopped looked at each other and let it go. But in that moment we agreed that we weren't some random relationship, that we were going to become a family at some point in the future. That's when he really started pushing Lori to let Carl meet us." I look over and Dale he's smiling and T-dog has a half smile.

"You know I never realized how sad you were when we were at the quarry, but watching you since Rick's came back," he pauses. "You guys have something special. Its what I had with my wife. You two are it for each other." He pats my hand. And I smile at him.

We decide to look though more cars, but don't find much. The things people thought were important amaze me, but then again I do have at least fifty stuffed animals in the car. We are sitting back on the side of the road when the group comes back minus Rick, Shane, John and Carl.

"Shot? What do you mean shot," Dale asks glancing at me.

"Who's been shot," I have a feeling I already know looking at who's not here, but I'm praying I'm wrong.

"Carl, that's what that crazy bitch on the horse said," Daryl says agitated. I don't even have any warning I just throw up. I have my hands on my knees and I'm taking deep breaths.

"You said there's a doctor there," Dale asks. Talking like I hadn't just thrown up breakfast at his feet. Daryl must have answered in an affirmative because the next thing I know me and the girls along with Glenn and T-dog are heading to this place in my car.

The whole way there I'm praying that he's ok. Flashbacks of being told Rick was shot is playing in my head. At least if Rick had died we didn't have to worry about him turning into a walker. If Carl doesn't make it…. No! I'm not even going to think it. He'll be fine. I repeat that the whole way there.


	12. Chapter 12

Hey, hey, hey. Another chapter for you guys. I hope it makes you guys happy. I might not be able to post anything till late tomorrow. I hope you guys are still enjoying it. I have some Joslyn and Daryl moments planned, strictly friendship, coming up at some point on the farm. Hang in there guys.

 **Chapter 12**

When we pulled into the farm it was dark out. I had to get out to open and close the gate at the end of the driveway. We were walking towards the door. Mia holding my hand and Ella holding on to my arm trying not to let anyone hear her cry.

"Should we knock," Glenn asks.

"I think we're a little past all that. Don't you," T-dog says. He doesn't look good despite taking some strong medication thanks to Merle's clap. I shudder at the thought.

"Did you close the gate," a soft female voice says to our left. Glenn jumps and I suppose I did as well.

"Yeah, latched it and everything," Glenn answers flustered. I smile looks like someone have a crush. Is this the bat wielding warrior horse woman? I step forward.

"Hi, I'm Joslyn Grimes my step-son Carl was shot is he ok," I say.

"I'm Maggie. I'm not gonna lie. He's not doing too great and if your men and Otis don't get back soon…well I'm not sure what will happen," she says. I swallow my tears and nod. We head inside where a woman named Patricia takes care of T-dog. I spot Rick and me and the girls head over to him. I wrap my arms around him and hold him. Ella wraps her arms around his waist, Mia just stands there looking around.

"Where's bubba," she says raising her arms as if showing that she didn't have him in her hands. Rick loses it and cries into my shoulder. Mia starts crying cause I don't think she's ever seen Rick cry before. Rick pulls himself together and bends down to talk to Mia.

"Bubba got hurt. So now he's in bed asleep, but the doctor will make him feel better soon," he tries to explain. Mia looks at him.

"He got a owie," she says a few years still hanging in her lashes. Rick gives her a watery smile and nods.

"Yes, he has a very had owie" Mia turns to me.

"Go kiss it mommy," she says putting her little arms on her hips. Oh, how I wish that would work. I bend down next to Rick he turns and begins talking to Ella in more detail about Carl.

"Baby, remember when daddy had an owie, but it was a special owie that mommy couldn't fix? Only a doctor could fix it remember," I say. She nods, but smiles.

"When he gonna wake up like daddy," she says. I smile at her to stop from crying.

"Hopefully soon," I say. I stand up and wipe my eyes. How do you explain to a three year old that sometimes they don't wake up?

I look around only to see John and Shane gone. Rick notices me looking.

"They went to go get what Herschel needs for the surgery. John volunteered he was training to become and emt. Shane went cause he said he could help more by going then staying. I had to stay cause I had to give blood, or else I would have been right there with then," he says. "They took Otis, the man who shot Carl, with them." I must have had a surprised look on my face. "it was an accident. There was a deer Carl just happened to be in the wrong place."

Lori pops her head out of the door and looks at Rick.

"He's awake!" Rick quickly walks into the room. I stay behind even though every bone in my body wants to go in that room. I've known him since he was Mia's age, but I'll respect Lori in this one instance. I hear Lori start crying and my stomach falls. I hear Rick tell someone to do it. Then a truck pulls up. Shane and John hop out. Johns staring at Shane oddly, but doesn't say anything to him.

"Is Carl ok," John asks me.

"I don't know," I say. An older man comes out asking about Otis. Shane shakes his head saying he didn't make it.

"We do not tell Patricia till after. I need her," he says. Then they go into Carl's room I go to Rick and hold him. I see Lori was on her way to him as well. She looks at me like she's shocked I'm there then quickly turns and leans into Shane.

It feels like we're waiting for days on any word about Carl. When Herschel comes out we all stand up except Mia and Ella who had falling asleep on the couch.

"I got them all out. He's stable. The healing is left up to him now," he says tiredly. I smile and kiss Rick full on the mouth he's crying but smiling at the same time.

"Thank you," he says fervently.

"What do I tell Patricia," Herschel says ignoring Rick's thanks. Before either one of us could say anything we hear Patricia crying. I guess someone broke the news to her. Rick wants to get some fresh air and we step outside on the porch. We see the caravan pull up. Bobby driving his dad's RV.

When they get out they ask Rick about Carl. He assures them everything went good and there's no major worries. Dale looks at me.

"Did you ask the doctor to check on you," he asks.

"Yes Dale. I simply said hey excuse me, but could you possibly stop trying to save my step-son and do a quick check up," I say.

"No need to be catty. I meant afterward," he says calmly. I blush and look down ashamed.

"I'm sorry Dale I tend to be snarky when I get stressed," I say.

"It's alright I understand, but you need to get checked with the panic attack and the suspected diabetes, you really need to get checked out." I feel Rick pull away from me and I feel him boring holes in my head.

"Panic attack," Rick asks. I dare a glance up and see him looking concerned.

"Yeah," I clear my throat, "back on the highway when the walkers came through." I try to keep my voice neutral.

"You had one yesterday and you didn't tell me! I would've stayed with you if I had known," he says getting angry.

"And that's why I didn't tell you! You needed to go look for Sofia or you would never forgive yourself. I know you! You would've stayed, but you would've felt guilty about it," I say. He tries to argue, but quickly shuts his mouth when I raise my eyebrow.

"Fine. You're right, but let's go see if he can do a quick checkup," he says taking my hand and leading me back into the house.

"Hey Herschel," he calls. Herschel looks over at us then down at my belly. He nods already knowing what we're gonna ask.

"I'm not An OBGYN. Actually, I'm not any kind of human doctor. I'm a vet, but I can listen to a heartbeat with my stethoscope," he says after he approaches us.

He takes us in another room and I tell him about the events of yesterday. He asks me about anything else. So, I tell him everything that's happened since I've been pregnant.

"So, this pregnancy has been full of stress," he asks with a raised eyebrow. I didn't realize just how much stress I had been dealing with. Between Rick being shot to Abby dying to now I haven't really NOT been stressed. I nod.

"But you've felt movement?" I nod and he looks relieved. He put the cold stethoscope to my belly and moves it around.

"Well I'll be damned," he mutters, "it's got a strong heartbeat despite all the trauma it's been through." He pulls the ear pieces and hands them to me I put them on. He moves it around and I hear the heartbeat.

"Stop," I say to let him know he found it. I listen enjoying the sound for a bit. Then take them out of my ears and hand them to Rick.

When he hears the baby he gets this look on his face. Just this amazed look, like he can't believe the life we made.

"From the little I am able to do, it sounds like you have one strong baby on your hands," Herschel says reclaiming his stethoscope. I smile.

"Thank you. And not just for this, but for Carl too," I say. He reluctantly accepts my thanks with a nod of his head.

We head out and set up camp outside. After we get the tent and air mattresses up we go back and Rick picks Ella up and I gather Mia. We head back towards our tent. We lay down and that's when I just let all the stress from the past few days go. Rick holds me as I cry until I fall asleep. Tomorrow we have to find Sofia and we will. I know it.

Authors note: ok it's not very long but it's an update. I didn't get a chance to edit so I will probably tomorrow. If it doesn't make sense just come back tomorrow around midnight. Haha no I'm serious it changes weird words all the time like off to odd. Bare with me please. Thanks.


	13. Chapter 13

I got a couple more favorites and followers! And thank you guys for the reviews it seriously makes my day! I'm so sorry last chapter was so short. When I looked it was actually the shortest chapter I had, but it was the best natural ending to it. Well onwards and upwards here's chapter 13. I just edited chapter 12. There were a few mistakes that I missed.

 **Chapter 13**

When we woke up the sun was barely making an appearance. Rick stared at me concerned for a long while. I smiled at him.

"Don't worry I think my tear ducts are all dried up," I say. He gives a little half smile.

"Mine too," he says. We lay there in comfortable silence for a few minutes more until reality decided to creep into our minds. I frown.

"Rick, we need to find Sofia. Dead or alive we need to find her today. She's been out there for two nights by herself. I can't imagine what Carol is going through. The not knowing, it would kill me if it was Ella or Mia or Carl," I say. Just the thought of any of my kids being out there makes me shudder. A flash of guilt flashes across Rick's face. "No baby, you saved her. You did the only thing you could do. It is not your fault. So don't you feel guilty." I put my hand on his face and he covers it with his own. He stares in my eyes for a while. Whatever he sees there must reassure him cause he nods and kisses my palm then starts getting dressed.

After I get the girls up and dressed we leave the tent and go to where we decided to set up our "kitchen". Carol has already made everyone breakfast and handed us our plates.

"Thank you Carol," I say touching her arm. She just nods her head looking down.

"I can't stay still and I couldn't sleep. So, I decided to do something useful," she says quietly. I nod my head and go to sit by Ella and Mia. Our breakfast isn't that extravagant some cans of corn beef and hash and some eggs, thanks to Herschel's chickens, but it is the best breakfast we have had in a while. Rick still hasn't came over to sit down and I hear him talking to Carol.

"I'm gonna see if Herschel has a map of the area. Who knows maybe one of them will help, they know the area. What I'm trying to say is, maybe stumbling upon this farm was the best that could have happened in helping us find Sofia," he says. Carol looks at him and slowly nods in agreement.

"Thank you Rick and not just for helping to look for her, but for trying to save her back on the highway. I wanted to blame you for leaving her, but you were the only one to go after her," she says in a wobbly voice. Rick ducks his head and nods back, then walks over to me.

We sit quietly and eat, well Rick, Ella, and I sit quietly Mia hasn't stopped talking about the chickens and horses she's seen.

"I want a horse," she finally states.

"I thought you wanted a dog," I say.

"No, I was sure it was a bunny," Rick says with a smile. Ella smiles too.

"So which one is it a dog, bunny, or horse," I ask. Mia's eyebrows scrunch together as she's thinking hard on this very serious question then it smoothes out.

"All of them," she says while swooping her hand out like she's catching something. She then gives us a toothy grin and goes back to eating her food. We laugh at her. By this rate it looks like we'll have our own petting zoo before long.

After we eat we go inside to see if Carl is awake, he's not so Rick goes to find a map. We're all gathered around the hood of the car. Beth, Herschel's youngest daughter, had asked to take Ella and Mia to see the horses and they both looked so excited I couldn't say no. So, it was Rick, Herschel, John, Daryl, Bobby and I who were pouring over the map. Although, I noticed Bobby kept glancing toward where the girls and Beth disappeared to. Was it worry for his cousins or something else? I'm leaning towards the latter. I guess I'm not the only one to notice his distraction, because John hits him in the back of the head.

"Ow, what was that for," he says to his father while rubbing his head.

"You know why. Pay attention," he mutters to him. Rick begins to explain where it was he left Sofia, but when he starts explaining groups and stuff Herschel tells him he can't go. Rick looks at him then at me, like he's silently saying are you hearing this.

"You gave a lot of blood yesterday. You need to rest. If you go out there in this heat, you'd be passed out in no time," he says. John nods agreeing, but Rick looks desperate.

"Rick, honey, he's right. You need to stay. I don't want to be worried about you passing out somewhere." He still doesn't look that convinced so I quickly add, "it's not good for the baby." That does it. He glances down at my belly then back up at me. He nods. He'll do whatever he can to make sure we're ok.

Its quickly decided that John and Bobby will go look for Sofia along with Daryl. Daryl said he works better by himself so he was taking a different way than John and Bobby. After they head out I have to think of something to keep my husband from losing his mind. So, I make him sit down and break the map down into sections and everyone into search groups. I remind him he needs to have one person who knows at least a little about tracking, so they won't get lost, in each group. He quickly becomes engrossed in his task. I decide to do our laundry, because I've learned that no place is permanent and to take advantage of everything while you can. I have time to make sure my kids have clean clothes and that's what I'm doing. I wonder if Herschel would be willing to give us a couple chickens when we leave. I shake my head no one is that generous anymore.

Carol joins me doing nearly everyone else's laundry. I notice Andrea sitting on top of Dale's RV. I shake my head she doesn't know anything about guns and yet she wants to feel like she's doing something important so she sits up there with that gun. If we were to have a some walkers come through we would probably all be dead because of her.

Carol and I work in companionable silence for awhile, then Jasmine joins us. It's a tense atmosphere for awhile, but after awhile we just keep working. We don't say anything to each other, but it's a start. I look around for Brenda and find her and Maggie talking while picking peaches. I smile it's good for her to have someone outside of family she can talk to. I look over and see Beth letting Ella and Mia brush the horses. They're loving this, just forgetting for one moment that the world has gone to shit. I smile at them, but I remember my thoughts on Mia. Trying to teach her she needs to be quiet when we see walkers. I'm no closer to a solution, then I was then. I sigh. Carol looks at me.

"What," she asks.

"I'm just thinking of Mia. It was dumb luck she was asleep back at the highway. I'm trying to think of a way to get her to understand that if there walkers she needs to hide and be quiet and still. And of course I have no idea how to do that," I say in a defeated tone. Carol looks at me then looks over at Mia. She turns back to me.

"Why don't you make it into a game, like you did when looking through the cars? When you say walkers she has to be quiet and still and she gets extra points if she finds an adult to hide with. You can play it with her here and make it different time lengths so she'll know to wait till you say and not just wait a couple minutes then decide she's done playing. I'm sure you can talk Ella into helping and when Carl gets better he'll want to help. Mia will do anything her big brother and sister do," she says. I look at her and I notice Jasmine is even looking at her impressed. I nod.

"That may work," I say stunned.

"I'll even help. It will give me something to do," she says.

"Thanks Carol, that would be amazing," I say.

"If I can help someone else's kid on how to save themselves, then I will. I just wish I thought of it with Sofia," she says sadly.

"Hey, don't give up hope. There's still a chance," I say putting my hand on her shoulder. She places her hand on mine.

"Thanks," she says with a halfhearted smile.

I'm watching the shadow slowly move positions on the peach tree. After I'm sure enough time has elapsed I say.

"Oh princess, princess where can you be."

"Over here mama," Mia calls out. I follow the sound. It was another rule she doesn't come out until someone she knows finds her. Calling her princess was her idea of course. I find Mia and Ella hiding in a tree. I nod, but notice they aren't that high up. I know Ella had to help Mia so they weren't able to get as high as they could have gotten.

"Good job guys. I didn't hear you at all," I say with an impressed voice. Ella knows what we are really doing. It made her feel grown up to be helping. I pull her aside after Mia has taken off to Rick.

"Hey you did good, but maybe tree climbing isn't the best with Mia," I say. She nods.

"I know, but by the time we made it in the tree I could hear Jimmy and Beth moving around so I decided not to move and just hope they didn't find us," she says. Beth and Jimmy were our walkers Carol was as well until she went to make lunch. T-dog agreed to help as well. Glenn and Maggie went on a run earlier and just now made it back. The only one who didn't want to help was Lori she said she had to much on her plate already. Besides her everyone agreed it was a good idea and that they would help whenever they could.

I filled John, Bobby and Daryl in on our idea when they came in. Daryl looked surprised that I asked him personally if he could help whenever he got the chance.

"Why do ya want me to help? You got nearly everyone else," he says.

"Well I've been thinking you can track and find them easily. So, if you show them ways to hide without leaving much of a track then their chances of survival increase greatly, but only if you want. I don't want to be an inconvenience to you," I say hoping that he agrees. He looks at me then over to Mia sitting by Rick telling him all the places that she hid where I couldn't find her. He looks back at me and nods his head.

"After I find Sofia, I'll help your little girl," he says. I smile and hug him out of excitement. He quickly pushes me away.

"Dammit woman if I knew you would attack me I woulda said no," he says gruffly.

"Daryl, that was a hug not an attack," I say smiling and I walk away, but not before I could have sworn I seen his lips tilt up slightly.

After lunch Daryl decides to head back out. There was still daylight left so he was gonna use it. I find myself sitting next to Bobby who's looking towards the house.

"You know her and Jimmy are together," I say.

"What, who are you talking about," he says trying to act confused. I just stare at him. He finally drops the act.

"Yeah I know. It's why I haven't talked to her. Well, that and the fact she's only sixteen. What's that make me I'm twenty, was going to college and now I have a crush, or whatever, on a sixteen year old," he says with a disgusted look.

"It's only a four year age difference. Rick and I are five years apart. And it makes you a guy. Beth is very pretty, but she's also taken. Not to mention if anything happened between you two I'm pretty sure our welcome would be revoked. I just hope he doesn't find out that something happened between Maggie and Glenn on that run," I say. Bobby looks surprised.

"Are you serious," he says.

"You haven't noticed the looks," I say glancing at them. He follows my line of site. Glenn is more obvious then Maggie, but by no means is she all that secretive either.

"Huh, who would have guessed he had it in him," Bobby says. I hit his arm and he laughs.

"Be nice. Glenn deserves some happiness he's done a lot for us," I say. Bobby is still laughing, but nods his head in agreement.

We still didn't find Sofia, but we're still looking. Tomorrow they can go out in groups to search. We'll find her, we have to. That night I fall asleep snuggled next to Rick and listening to Ella and Mia breathing in their room.

Authors note: sorry I didn't get this out there sooner, but I had a lot going on this weekend. I hope you guys enjoy it. I think next chapter will be Daryl getting shot and then taking everyone for shooting practice. I'm thinking maybe there more chapters then on to season two. And I have decided no Judith in this story.


	14. Chapter 14

So, how's everyone doing? I started a new story. It's a Daryl/OC story if you want to check it out. I'm not as confident in it as I am with this one, but it's out there for your entertainment if you want it. I'm thinking two maybe three chapters before I wrap season 1 up. Anyway reviews are always welcome and appreciated…I'm so sorry I was going to post yesterday, but I was stuck. I figured out why. Joslyn has nothing to say in this chapter so I'm switching pov!

 **Chapter 14**

Sometimes I hate being pregnant. I'm almost completely useless. I'm stuck here while nearly everyone is out looking for Sofia and here I am back at the house anxiously waiting for any word. They had spilt in groups of two well all except Daryl, who decided he would go by himself and take a horse to cover more ground. T-dog and Glenn we're together, John and Bobby, and Shane and Rick. Rick with Shane made me so nervous. Shane's been making me very uncomfortable lately. He have me the creep vibes before all this now they are more like creep waves. I try not to be in the same room as him.

I'm sitting on the steps of the porch watching Ella and Mia play tag. We just got done with a game of hide-and-walkers, Ella decided to name the game we created. Carl was able to come out and sit beside me, but he wasn't up to playing just yet.

"Joslyn, I'm so bored can I please play with Ella and Mia," Carl begs. Gah, those blue eyes are just like Rick's and Mia's and it makes it so hard to say no.

"Sorry bud. Doctors orders. We don't want to tear your stitches. You had us all worried for awhile there. We're not in a hurry for you to be laid up again," I say slinging my arm around his shoulders. He smiles up at me.

"Well, I have a cool scar like dad now," he smirks. I can't help but laugh, boys and their scars. We're having fun just talking and with Mia running back every ten seconds telling us to watch her. I look in the woods and hope everything is going ok.

 **Rick's pov**

How did I get stuck with Shane? I should have volunteered to go with Daryl. We've worked in, mostly, silence tying colored fabric around trees. Every group has a different color so we know who's where and we can find our way back if we get lost.

"We still make a pretty good team. Don't We Rick," Shane says. He says it in a way that it's almost like he's saying something else. I decide to ignore him. "I mean even at the quarry I had your back with the whole Daryl situation." I turn to him then.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Shane looks stunned I even responded.

"Well I mean I had a handle on Daryl. Didn't notice John doing much," he mutters.

"Nah, he just got my wife and kids out of town and then made sure they lived. Then when Daryl pulled a knife he made sure he put himself between him and everyone else. You better think twice before you say a word about my brother-in-law." We've stopped walking and are just glaring at each other. Shane gives a little mischievous grin then takes his hat off and rubs his newly shaved head.

"You ever gonna forgive me for Lori," he says. "We've known each other since we were kids. Isn't damn near eight years enough time? Or is it you still have feelings for her? That it?" I shake my head at him.

"Honestly, I forgave you both the second I met Joslyn. I finally understood that saying 'everything happens for a reason'. Lori happened for Carl and you and Lori happened so I can be with Joslyn. I would have stayed in that marriage, as unhappy as we were, I would have stayed. You asked if I still love her, I will always have her in my heart. She's the mother of my son, but beyond that there's nothing. I will tell you, I do not appreciate you two trying to keep my son away from my wife and his sisters. That's another thing entirely, but you know and I know that we will never be friends again. You crossed a line that shouldn't have been crossed. Joslyn or no Joslyn what you two did was wrong. I'm over it though. I'm happier now, in this moment looking for a little girl that may or may not be dead, with a pregnant wife that has no access to a doctor, with the dead hunting us at every turn, I'm happier in _this_ moment than I ever was with Lori. Now that's saying something, don't you think?" I look at him just a little longer to get my point across. Then I notice a piece of fabric that isn't ours. "Looks like we wondered into Glenn and T-dogs area," I say pointing, then turn and start in another direction not looking to see if Shane's following.

We wonder a good distance then decide we should head back to camp if we didn't want to be stuck out in the woods at night. When we get back to the farm everyone but Daryl is there. I see Joslyn in the yard sitting next to Carl laughing with Mia and Ella entertaining them with various tricks. I don't even realize I'm smiling till Dale says something.

"Nothing but pure love can make a man smile like that," he says with a small smile of his own. I hear Shane snort sarcastically and Dale gives him an apprehensive look. "Rick, may I speak with you a moment?" I nod my head. We both stand there and then turn and look at Shane after we realize he's not leaving. Shane looks between us then makes another noise in the back of his throat and walks away.

"I've been meaning to talk to you for a while now. Its about Otis."

 **Joslyn's pov**

I seen Rick walk out of the woods with Shane, but now Dale is talking to him. Herschel told Carl he needed to rest. So, it was just me sitting on the steps. The girls were out spinning in circles faster and faster till they fell down. I feel someone sit down beside me and look over. My eyes grow huge.

"I owe you an apology. Well, I'm sure I owe you many, but I'm taking this slow. I'm sorry for slapping you, back at the quarry," Lori says and it looks like she literally just swallowed her pride, the way her throat was moving. "The truth is I'm jealous of you. I see Mia and I think of the siblings Rick and I could have gave Carl. I seen how happy he was with you and I forgot how miserable we were," she turns and gives me a sad smile. "I've known Rick nearly all my life. He was my first crush, first kiss, first everything. I thought I knew every look he had, but I seen him just now. That smile he had when he was looking at you," she pauses, "he never smiled at me like that. Not once. I would have remembered if he did. What I'm trying to say is that I'm going to try to be better about this situation, but you're going to have to cut me some slack sometimes," she gives me a tight smile. I nod my head, shocked. When she goes to stand up to leave, I call her back.

"Yes," she says.

"You ever slap me again, just remember I'm not a slapper. I punch back, hard," I say and smile back. She looks shocked then nods her head tightly and walks back in the house.

The suns starting to set and Daryl still isn't back yet. I'm beginning to get nervous.

"Maybe we should send someone to look for him," I say to Rick. He looks up at me with a slight frown.

"We can't risk it. Daryl's a smart guy. I'm sure he's fine," he tries to reassure me.

"Walker," Andrea yells out. Everyone stands and is an action.

"Don't shoot! Herschel says he wants to deal with Walkers," he yells at Andrea running out towards the lone walker. Andrea lines her shot up.

"Don't you dare pull that trigger. You have no idea how to fire that weapon and so help me God if you even graze my husband I'm pulling you off that RV by your hair and beating you to a pulp," I say deadly calm. She glances at me then looks back through the scope and fires. Son of a bitch! I hear Rick yell out something. That's when I realize that it wasn't a walker. It was Daryl.

"Congratu-fucking-lations on not listening and shooting a fellow member of the group. You better pray he's still alive. We need him," I say. Andrea looks shocked and she takes off into the field calling out asking if he's dead.

Daryl was shot, but not by Andrea. He fell off a ravine and got stuck by his own arrow then Andrea's bullet grazed his head. Never thought I would be happy for someone to be a lousy shot, but if she had any skill, well, we'd be burying Daryl right now. One good thing that's happened Daryl found Sofia's doll. Finally a lead.

Authors note: I'm sorry for the short chapter, but that's all that's coming to me right now. And I'm so mad because I'm doing this from memory and I could have sworn that season one ended after Rick did his "this is not a democracy" speech. Well I was wrong I had to watch it again for something and surprise surprise the farm was on season two not one. Well, anyway I got most of everything figured out on how it's going down. Expect some crazy twists. Oh and I totally forgot about the wallet in the well so we'll say it still happened, but Joslyn wasn't part of it. Hope you like this short chapter let me know what you think please.


	15. Chapter 15

Had the best review from Clariey! Thanks so much! I love reviews! It's like an immediate gratification, well the nice ones anyway. Thank you everyone who has taking time to review! I really appreciate it! I've only had one not so great review, which just so happened to be the first review I had, but never mind that I'm rambling. You guys are here for the story! Onwards and upwards. Hopefully this one is longer.

 **Chapter 15**

Daryl showed Rick where he found the doll. Thanks to him he cut the grid nearly in half. That night we had dinner in the farm house. Maggie and Glenn could not be more obvious with the note passing. Even Herschel and Dale noticed, but no one said anything. Bobby wasn't much better, stealing glances at Beth. Jimmy was glaring at him. I happened to be sitting by Bobby and bumped him with my shoulder. He jumped and glances at me. I just raise my eyebrow and he blushes and doesn't look up from his plate after that. It was a quiet dinner, but a happy one. We were one step closer to finding Sofia. We all went to bed in a slightly better mood then we had the previous week.

The next day Glenn wouldn't stop staring at the barn. He was acting funny, jumpy would be a better word. Everyone was going to shooting practice after Andrea's shooting debacle yesterday. I already knew how to shoot thanks to Rick and his instance in me being able to protect myself.

I decided to let Ella go. It was hard she was eight gonna be nine in a month, but in this world she needed to learn. I wasn't worried. She has Rick, John, Bobby, and Brenda going, Jasmine was going too, but we still weren't talking. I know she wouldn't let anything happen to Ella, at least I think so.

It was just going to be me, Dale, Glenn, Daryl, who's currently laid up in his tent right now, and Mia. I notice Glenn and Dale talking behind the RV it looked serious. So I took Mia, who was upset Beth left, to go see Daryl.

I got to his tent and he had the flap open laying on his cot, reading a book.

"Hey Daryl," he looks up at me confused. "Can I talk to you for a second?" He nods and places his finger to mark the page in his book. "I wanted to thank you. For everything you've done for us, all of us. Even back at the quarry you hunted for us, kept us fed. I don't know if I would have been able to stay if someone did to John or Jasmine what Rick had to do to Merle. And I'm so sorry about that. If I can ever help you with anything I will, ok? Also, you have been the one to go out everyday looking for Sofia and, as a mother, I don't think you can imagine what that means," he looks stunned and embarrassed with all my praise. "The only reason I bring this all up is because I want to ask you something and I don't want you to feel obligated to help, because you have already done so much, but when you get healed up, I was wondering could you perhaps teach me to shoot your crossbow?" He looks so shocked that I asked, so I quickly add, "or just try and make a bow and arrows to shoot? Its just I'm useless right now. I mean I can use a knife if one gets close, but the second we are around any I'm ushered inside with the kids, which I'm ok with. I know how to use a gun, but the noise draws more. So, I'm stuck. I want to be able to help, but in my condition Rick isn't gonna let me get in the thick of things. And honestly, even if I wasn't pregnant he probably wouldn't," I smile at that. "So, I need to learn a long arrange weapon. Guns are out and I feel we all should learn different weapons, bullets aren't gonna last forever. What do you say? You willing to teach me?" I bite my lip waiting for his answer. He stares at me, like he can't believe I said all that. Finally, slowly, he nods.

"But we might not get much practice, till I find Sofia," he says gruffly. I give him a big smile.

"Thank you so much Daryl," I say.

I can't stop smiling the rest of the day. When the rest of the group returns Rick finds me and is all smiles as well.

"Ella and Carl are naturals let me tell you. They are really good. I hope they don't need to shoot, but I know that's an unrealistic hope," he says he kisses me and subconsciously places a hand on my stomach. Mia comes bounding out of our tent and runs to, Beth? I glance at Rick and he has a wounded expression on his face. I gently smile and kiss his face. Mia has always been a daddy's girl. She chose Rick over anyone, even when she was a baby.

"I know it hurts the first time your kid wants someone besides you, but you want to know a secret?" Rick nods, "She will always choose you when she really needs you. If she's ever scared, she'll come to you. If she's ever hurt, she'll call for you. Beth is fun right now. She has horses and I think she reminds her of Abby. So don't be sad. Mia will always need you and love you, just sometimes other people are cooler than mom and dad," I say and smile. He slowly nods back.

"I don't like being out cooled by a teenage girl," he says only half joking. I laugh.

"So, while you guys were out shooting guns. I went and got Daryl to agree to give me crossbow lessons," I say proudly. Rick looks at me shocked.

"Why? You don't need them. You won't be that close to a walker and if you are I would rather you shoot the gun, but there's no need," he says panicking at the idea of me being that close. I frown at him.

"Did we or did we not just let our eight year old and ten year old learn to shoot a _gun_ for a 'just in case' scenario," I say my anger rising. Rick looks unsure. Then he dips his head in defeat.

"First, I get out cooled by a teenager, now I lose against my wife. Today is not my day," he says with a weak smile. I smirk and wrap my arms around his neck and he wraps his around my waist.

"Oh my dear husband, you need to get used to being out cooled, it won't be the last. As far as losing to me, well I would have thought you were already used to that," I say laughing. Rick smirks down at me. I turn to head over to the tent. Rick slaps my butt and walks ahead of me like he didn't do anything. I stare at him in shock. He's usually not playful, well in public anyway. I smirk if he's in this good of a mood it's gonna be a fun night.

The next day I'm in a really good mood and Rick hasn't stopped smirking. I'm pretty sure everyone knows. We're all sitting around eating breakfast and Mia is cuddled into Rick still sleepy, another reason Rick's happy he has his baby back. Then Glenn stands up. He clears his throat and everyone looks at him.

"Uh the barns full of walkers," he stammers out. There's a brief moment of complete silence as we try to process the information. Then it's all movement as everyone scrambles up to feel like we're doing something. Dale tells us that Herschel sees them as sick people and that half his family is in there.

"You knew and you didn't say anything," Shane says angrily. Dale looks at him unconcerned.

"I thought we could survive one more night and we did. I was going to tell you, but Glenn wanted to do it," he says.

We all go and look at the barn. It looks like something out of a scary movie. Old, faded wood it looks sinister, or maybe it's because I know what it holds inside. Before it was just an innocent old barn, now it's a dilapidated old barn containing living dead people that would like nothing more than to rip our flesh. I hear Shane talking to Rick.

"You can not be ok with this," he says pointing at the barn.

"It's secure. This is Herschel's land. I'll talk to him, but we need to be careful with how we treat this," he says looking at Shane. John looks stunned.

"No," a quiet voice says. Brenda steps up. "No. This isn't safe. Having walkers this close to us, this close to my little cousins? Come on Rick! These things killed Abby! And you're telling me that it's ok they are fifty feet away from your sleeping kids and pregnant wife? You have got to be kidding me! This guy thinks they are sick, but we all know it's not true. We seen what happened with Abby and Amy. And before that I watched my boyfriend's mother rip into him! You don't think I wish this was all some disease that if you just pop a little antibiotics it will all go away. Come on Rick this guys delusional! If he maintains this way of thinking soon it won't be _just_ half his family it will be his _whole_ family in there," Brenda is breathing hard. This is the most I have heard her say since this all started. Rick looks at her.

"Brenda, I understand. Trust me I do, but let me deal with Herschel. I'll slowly make him realize that there isn't a cure, but we need this place. We need Herschel to help with Joslyn's pregnancy. So please I'm begging you, all of you, don't do anything rash," Rick pleads making eye contact with Brenda, Shane and Andrea before he continues. "As of right now the barn is secure. We'll post a guard just to be safe. I'm gonna go talk to Herschel. I'll be back," Rick turns kisses me on the forehead and leaves. I eye the barn like it's a snake ready to strike at any moment. I pick Mia up and hold her tightly as I walk. I feel eyes on the back of my neck, but I don't look back. Its probably just my imagination after finding out about the barn.

I didn't see Rick till late that night.

"What did Herschel say," I ask. Rick looks at me and shakes his head in disbelief.

"He thinks this thing is like scarlet fever or measles. That everyone is running scared and that they will find a cure soon. How do you convince a man that they aren't sick that they're dead? On one hand, if that were Ella, Mia, Carl or you…. I couldn't give up hope that easy. I get it, you know, loving someone so much you can't believe they're dead even when you are it with your own eyes," he says looking out to something that wasn't there. I put my hand on his arm to bring him back. He looks down in my eyes. "If I had woken up and found you like that, well it wouldn't have been long till I was right there with you. My first instinct is not to run from you, it's the opposite." He lays down on the bed and drags me with him. When I get all curled in his side he turns to me. "I'm scared because if he loved his wife half as much as I love you, he's not giving up hope anytime soon." I kiss his frowning lips. Then snuggle back down.

I don't sleep well. I swear I hear the moans of the dead drifting on the wind from the barn. I think about what Rick said. If that were Rick in that barn how would I handle it? A part of me agreed with Brenda, but I see Rick's point as well. We can't live here knowing what's in that barn, but we need Herschel and his farm. In my dreams I see everyone I've ever loved become a walker and they're coming for me, but I won't stop them. There's nothing to live for. I see Mia and she's holding a ghostly white baby. When I look at my stomach, it's flat and bloody. I scream.

"Baby, honey shh. Wake up. Wake up," I wake gasping. My cheeks are wet and I can't catch my breath. Rick is looking down at me, worried.

"I'm ok. I'm ok. Just a dream," I say reassuring both him and me.

"What was it about," he asks, but I'm sure he already knows.

"Can't remember. Lets go back to sleep," I curl into him closer and he holds me tighter than before. I look over where the girls are sleeping and discreetly feel my belly. It was just a dream, but it could come true. I know we can't live here with a barn full of walkers. Sooner or later it will give out. We need to find Sofia and leave here and never look back. I close my eyes and surprisingly fall back asleep. I don't have any more dreams.


	16. Chapter 16

Hello everyone! My goal is to finish this today or tomorrow. So, you might get a couple updates today. It depends on how cooperative all these characters are. I'm ending this where I always planned to, even though I found out that it wasn't the end of season one like I thought. Then the second one will start up when they find the prison. Again this is all from memory I think I've seen some of the episodes twice, but not all of them. After this though I'm going to try to get further into my other story before I start Joslyn Grimes part two. Anyway I hope you like this and please review.

 **Chapter 16**

I'm staring at the barn while I hang up our laundry. Mia, Ella, Carl and Beth were playing walker again. T-dog, Carol and Bobby were walkers. I'm glad that the group was helping with Mia, but I can't even focus on that. Instead I'm zeroed in on that barn. I swear I seen the doors shake. I see a figure walking to it and realize it's Shane. He checks the locks then falls back reaching for a gun that's not there. He gets up angry and storms off. I'm going to have to tell Rick. I may not want those walkers close to me or my kids, but Rick will handle it. I would go and tell Rick right now, but he had disappeared with Herschel and Jimmy a while ago.

I was sitting on the steps with everyone else watching as Mia was singing a song from Cinderella, when Andrea came up and asked where Rick was.

"We were supposed to leave an hour ago," she says.

"Yeah, you were," Daryl says angrily coming from the side of the house. Shane walks up with the bag of guns.

"Where's Dale," Andrea asks eyeing the bag we all know Dale was in charge of.

"He's coming," Shane says. He turns to Daryl and hands him a gun. "You with me?" Daryl eyes it then takes it. Shane starts passing guns out talking about protecting ourselves. I went and got Mia and have my arm around Ella.

"Shane, Rick said he'll handle it. Let him handle it," I say. My voice shaking, because he's honestly scaring me right now. Lori eyes me then steps forward and places her hand on Shane trying to calm him down, but he shakes it off and glares at her. Lori moves her hand back so fast you would have thought she was burned. Then something catches everyone's eye. Its Rick and he has a walker on a catch pole. Oh God, this is not what I thought he meant when he said he'd take care of it.

"Do you see this," Shane yells out. John comes up behind me.

"Take the girls inside. This is going to get ugly," he whispers to me. I nod and go inside. I hear Shane yelling, but I can't hear what he's saying. Then I hear bullets.

"Mia, honey I need you to sing as loud as you can, ok," I say. Then jump when I hear several guns going at once, but Mia starts singing very loudly. I still hear it. Then it goes quiet and I think it's through, but then I hear somebody yell. I wish I couldn't understand it, but I do. Its Carol.

Sofia.

Then I hear one more shot and I know who had to pull the trigger.

"A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep," Mia keeps singing. I don't move I stay with Ella snuggled in my side crying, cause she heard the same thing I did, and Mia standing in front of me holding my hands and singing. I stay. I know what I'll see if I go out there, what my girls will see. I won't let them. I'll stay till Rick comes and gets us.

I'm still in the living room when Maggie and Patricia bring a shocked Herschel in. They don't even see me. After awhile Rick comes in and sees me.

"I know, I know," I say tears spilling down my cheeks. I look over at him. "Sofia," I softly whisper. Hoping I heard wrong. Rick's face tightens and he nods.

"They're all covered or moved. You can bring them out now," he says. I nod and carry Mia who was trying to fall asleep.

"Can you get Ella. She cried herself to sleep," I say. Rick hesitates. I touch his arm.

"Rick, you did what you needed to do. You won't hurt her. I still love you and they still love you. We won't ever stop," I say reaching up and kissing his cheek. He looks at me and let's out a deep sigh.

"How'd you know it was me," he asks.

"Because you wouldn't let anyone else have that on their hands," I say with a weak smile. He looks at me and nods his head once. Then he goes over to the couch and picks Ella up. We walk over too our tent and lay the girls on our bed. Then I go over and wrap my arms around Rick. He clutches me to him as close as he can, mindful of my belly and buries his face where my neck and shoulder meet.

"When she walked out of that barn, I just seen Ella standing there. I had to. I had to be the one. I had people out there looking for her and she was here the whole time. Daryl nearly died looking for her. Carl got shot looking for her. And the whole time she was in that barn," he quietly sobs into my neck. I hold him tighter. He takes a deep breath and then he releases me. All signs that he's been upset wiped from his face.

"I have to go and help dig the graves. We're burying Herschel's family and Sofia. They need all the help they can get," he says. I nod and he kisses my temple before he leaves.

"Hey, Rick," I call out softly. He pops his head back in the tent. "Where's Carol? I want to check on her," I say in a whisper. Rick looks at me with a sad half smile.

"I seen her go in Dale's RV earlier, but I don't know if she's still there," he says. I nod and follow him out, but where he turns to go down by the barn I go straight. When I get to Dale's RV I hear Carol crying and talking to someone. Then I hear Daryl's voice. I step back and decide to let them have this moment.

I don't know what to do. I can't help with the manual labor, my girls are asleep, Carl is with his mom, and Daryl is comforting Carol. I'm completely useless to everyone right now. I decide to start cooking. Everyone will be getting hungry soon. I start the fire and get some water boiling. I decide on a big pan of goulash. I get a package of noodles and then get a jar of stewed tomatoes Maggie had giving us. I also grab a couple cans of tomato sauce. I wish we had some meat to add to it.

By the time everything's done, everyone has wondered up ready to eat. Mia and Ella had woken up and wondering on over. We all eat in silence, each in our own thoughts. After we were done we had funerals for Sofia and Herschel's family. Carol doesn't come down.

That night I lay in bed by myself. Rick and Glenn had to go to town to find Herschel, Beth went into some kind of cationic shock. John agreed to stay and keep in eye on everyone. I was beyond worried, he should have been back by now. Before I went to bed John told me if they weren't back in the morning he would go and look for them. I didn't get much sleep.

The next morning just as John and Daryl were about to go hunt down Rick and Glenn they pull up in a car. They have Herschel and another man that's hurt.

"Who the hell is that," Daryl says pointing.

"That's Randall," Glenn says almost like we should know this already. Rick walks up to me. He puts his hand on my face and his thumb rubs under my eyes. I know I look awful from not sleeping.

"I'm sorry. I tried to get back sooner, but we ran into some complications," he says. I smile and nod then turn my head and kiss his palm. He brings me closer to kiss my forehead.

"So, who's Randall," I say. Rick tells the whole group what happened down at the bar.

"And you brought him here?! What if his men come looking for him," Shane says. Rick looks at him calmly.

"They left him. No one is looking for him," Rick says. Shane get angry and walks away saying something about living in fantasy land. Lori tries to reach him but he dodges her again. The look on Lori's face is heartbreaking and I don't even like her.

We decide to put Randall in a side room attached to the barn. Herschel patched his wounded leg. We're stuck. We kill him, we become murders of a potentially innocent person. If we let him go he could lead his group back here, and if they're anything like the ones Rick encountered at the bar than it won't be pretty. If we let him join our group the same thing could happen. This world wasn't easy.

Over the next few days, while Randall was healing, it was decided that Rick and someone else would take Randall far out and let him go. Shane didn't like this.

"Who are you thinking of taking with you," I ask. We're sitting in our tent getting ready for bed.

"Can't take John, I would feel better with him here. Last two times I asked Glenn to go anywhere with me he nearly died, so I'll give him a break. I would ask Daryl, but he's not talking to the group that much now. I could ask Bobby, but I can't guarantee this is risk free. So, I doubt Jasmine would let him, not after Abby. T-dog says he would rather stay and help protect the group. That leaves Shane," he says.

"No," I say leaving no room for argument. Rick looks at me surprised. "Rick, you have to be joking. He's losing it. Ever since you came back, he's been spiraling out of control. The barn isn't the first crazy thing he's done. I don't trust him," I say looking Rick in the eye.

"I know. Dale thinks he killed Otis and when I talked to John he gets the same feeling. They got separated. John says he heard them shooting and then Otis screaming. By the time he made it around the building Shane was in the car. John says he swears he thinks Shane almost left him. Even after seeing him," Rick looks off into the distance. "That's why I would rather have him with me than with you and the kids."

"Rick he could try to kill you. He doesn't like that he's not leader anymore. No one looks to him for answers. They look to you, even Lori. Rick, you haven't noticed the looks he gives. Every time someone says to ask you or wait for you, it's like this emotional shut down. He terrifies me. If you are taking him than please, for me, ask Daryl to go with you," I beg him. Rick looks at me for a long time Then nods his head.

"But if he says no, it's just going to be me and Shane. Maybe I can talk some sense into him. We may not be friends anymore and never will be again, but we were at one time," he says. I hope Daryl goes with them.

Daryl didn't go. So now I'm a nervous wreck, because Shane and Rick are out there by themselves, with Randall. I swear if Shane comes back and gives some BS story about getting over run I'm killing him right then and there. I glare at Daryl when he walks by.

"Whatchu looking at me like that for," he stops and says.

"You should have gone with them," I say angrily.

"I ain't ya errand boy. He could have picked someone else to go," he says defensively.

"No, he couldn't! And if you would have giving him time to explain you would have known that," I yell back. "If something happens to him I'll blame you." He looks stunned then storms off angry.

As the hours ticked by, the more worried I became. Then the car appears. There's two people in there and I breathe I sigh of relief, but as soon as Rick and Shane get out of the car I know something happened. Rick is moving stiffly and his face is I little beat up, as is Shane. I march over there ready to rip Shane a new one, but Rick quickly intercepts me.

"Baby, it's fine. Trust me I gave as good as I got. We worked through some things it's fine, but we still have Randall. He went to school with Maggie. He knows about the farm, we couldn't let him go," he says all the while not releasing my arms, knowing I would go after Shane in a heartbeat. Instead I glare at him. It doesn't faze him. He just gets Randall out of the trunk and takes him back to the barn. When he's a safe distance away Rick let's go of me. I hit his arm.

"You listen to me Rick Grimes, next time I tell you something you best listen to me," I tell him pointing my finger at his chest nearly poking him. The son of a bitch has the audacity to smile at me. He grabs my finger and pulls me to him.

"Yes, ma'am," he says with all the charm of a southern gentleman. I push him away and start walking away from him. Then stop and sharply turn back.

"You hurt very bad," I say. He's still smiling at me.

"No, ma'am," he says with a shake of his head. I nod and turn back to leave, but stop again then turn back and wrap my arms around him.

"Don't do that again, Rick. You died once and it nearly killed me, I don't think I can handle it if you really died. Don't go anywhere alone with Shane again, ok," I whisper in his ear. He hugs me tighter.

"Yes, ma'am," he says sincerely. I let go of him then turn around to go to our tent and gather clothes to do laundry. I see Rick talking to Daryl. Daryl locks eyes with me then nods at whatever Rick says. I see him head to the barn where Randall is. I have no idea what we will do about Randall, but the safety of my kids comes first. No matter what I have to do, I'll do it.

Authors note: Hi guys I know I have said it before, but I think next chapter will be a wrap. Then next weekend I'll start on the second installment. Man, I already have ideas for Alexandria. Some funny lines for Daryl. Oh and be prepared for a crazy curve up ahead. Reviews feed my soul! Lol but seriously I love reading what you guys think. Next chapter might be up later tonight or sometime tomorrow. Not sure yet.


	17. Chapter 17

Guys I think I need to tell you, I'm a woman. What that means is you can show that you like my stories by favoriting and following them, but nothing beats hearing it, or in this case reading it. I love reviews. Drop me one if you can. Even if it's the dreaded letter 'k' just so I know you liked the chapter. Anyway, hope you're all doing good and still enjoying the story.

 **Chapter 17**

We're having a meeting on what to do with Randall. Daryl had got some answers out of him and it seems his group isn't a pleasant group. Rick didn't tell me the details that Daryl must have told him. All he said was if they find us the women would wish they were dead. That was enough to know what kind of men they were.

Now we're all gathered in Herschel's living room. Dale does not want to kill him. Everyone else is split down the middle. Dale looks at me thinking I would side with him.

"Joslyn, imagine he was your kid. What would you want us to do," he says. I stare at him hard.

"First off Dale, if that was my kid he would not be in that group, period. He wouldn't tolerate that treatment of women. Secondly, I do not feel comfortable with him around Ella, or Mia for that matter. I don't know the limits of these men. If he does betray us he could bring those men back here, to my girls. I could never forgive myself if that happen. I'm not saying we have to kill him, but he needs to be driving out far from here. And I mean far. With that being said, can we really spare the fuel. If asshole over there hadn't decided to attack my husband, Randall might already be gone. It comes down to this we use the fuel to drive him as far as we are willing to go and later regret it cause we need it, or we kill him and the what ifs weigh in our mind for the rest of our lives. I don't know what I'm more comfortable living with. Either has it's own set of regrets and worries to think about," I say. Shane was glaring at me after I mentioned him. Everyone looks in deep thought.

"I agree with Joslyn. If Sofia was here I wouldn't want him around her," Carol says. "Do what you feel is right kill him or leave him some where. I don't care as long as he's not here." Carol turns and walks out of the house. Rick looks at me then looks around at everyone else.

"I don't know if killing him is the answer, but I'll do it in a heartbeat if it means protecting my wife and kids. I know all of you here would protect them. Fight back if we got attacked by someone outside, or even inside, the group. Randall didn't say a peep when those men committed awful crimes. Do we really want, or need, someone like that here," Rick questions. I think the attack from inside was a barb at Shane. No one else seems to have caught it, but Shane was now staring a hole through Rick. Dale looks around the group and sees that no one was standing with him.

"Are you all going to watch too? No, you'll go back in your tent and pretend it's not happening," he walks over to Daryl. "You're right this group is broken." Then he walks out. Rick looks at me. Making sure I'm ok with what he's about to do. I give a single nod. I see Lori was the only one who caught our silent discussion.

Rick, Daryl and Shane walked to the barn. Of course blood-thirsty Shane had to tag along, as long as Rick wasn't alone with him I don't care. I head upstairs to get Mia and Ella to put them to bed. Lori followed to get Carl.

"Has it always been like that," she asks. I turn and look at her confused.

"Like what," I ask.

"You and Rick. Have you always been able to know what each other was thinking? Like back in the living room," she asks still confused. I stop on the stairwell.

"Lori, I've been with that man for going on eight years, married to him for five. When you're around someone that long you learn to read them. And Rick is easy to read," I say.

"He never was with me. He was always so closed off. I never knew what he was thinking. He never talked to me like I see him talk to you. I look at him and I remember our short marriage, but it's like he's a completely different person," she says almost like she's upset. I raise one eyebrow.

"What about Shane? Do you guys communicate well," I ask trying to get her to talk about _her_ husband. She looks up at me.

"We used to. Back when we first started, you know," she says hesitating.

"Sleeping around," I supply drily. She glares at me briefly before quickly dropping it .

"Yeah, sleeping around. That's one of the reasons I liked it. I could look at him and know exactly what he was thinking. Nine times out of ten it would make me blush. He used to love me. He would be so careful with me, sweet. Get me things just cause. That first year during the divorce was tough. Small town, everyone knew, but Shane never let anyone look down on me. He was always there when I would cry because the ladies at the PTA would glare at me or say snide comments. Then when Rick started seeing you there were more, 'I'm sure glad that Rick found himself a decent woman' 'can you imagine what their kids will look like. I mean look at Ella, she's a doll' 'I don't think Rick could've found himself a better one'. It was constant and Shane was there for it all. When we got married I was so happy. I realized I really loved him, but now he's completely different. He doesn't talk to me or touch me. He just glares," she pauses. "He heard what I said to you, at the quarry, and now he won't forgive me." How is this woman, who I have hated since before I met her, making me feel sorry for her?

"Look, you guys can still work it out. Just tell him that was years of pent up feelings pouring out. Tell him that you love him and only him," I say with a sympathetic smile. She nods.

"Thanks for not being a bitch about it," she smiles slightly. I nod and turn down the hall to get my girls.

When I open the doors I see Ella and Mia sitting in the bed. Ella is reading some princess book to her sister, but no Carl.

"Where's Carl," Lori asks. Ella looks up and bites her lip.

"Ella Grace, you better tell us where he is, or I'll have your daddy put you over his knee and we both know you're too old for that," I say sternly.

"He followed them out to the barn," she blurts out. "We listened at the top of the stairs. Carl wanted to see, but I didn't momma. I came back here to be with Mia," she says on the verge of tears. Me and Lori look at each other before Lori bolted.

"Stay here," I say to them and run after Lori. There was no point Rick was already walking up with Carl giving him a stern talking to. He glances up when Lori reaches him.

"He snuck out to watch," Rick says angrily, but there's another emotion under that anger. He looks at me when Lori takes Carl to their tent, lecturing him the whole way. "I couldn't do it. Carl was there telling me to kill this kid and I just lost it. I can't lose him Lyn, I can't," he looks at me with sad eyes, but before I could go to him I horrible scream goes into the air. We both look at each other wide eyed. Then take off to the noise. I was not staying behind.

By the time we reach where the scream came from, it was to late. Dale lay there dying, his stomach tore open. Rick shoots the walker. I go over to Dale and hold his hand.

"Oh, Dale," I say. I remember his easy smile and quick joke and how he always kept an eye on everyone. I hear Rick call for Herschel, but I know it's to late. I run my hand through his grey hair. Then I thought crosses my mind.

"Dale, Dale," I say choking back the tears. He looks at me. "Rick didn't kill him. He didn't kill Randall. You were right there's a better way." Tears are streaming down my face, but I notice a peace in Dale's eyes that wasn't there before. Daryl comes up beside me and Rick pulls me away.

"Sorry brother," Daryl says. Then pulls a trigger and Dale is no longer in pain.

The next day when I wake up my eyes are gritty from crying. Rick isn't in bed, but the girls are. I feel a nudge in my stomach and I put my hand on my hard stomach. Its still to early to feel movement on the outside, but I can sure feel movement inside. I decide to get up and as I'm getting dressed Rick walks in. He's filthy. He stops and looks me over real quick his eyes lingering on my belly. He seems to have released some tension and there's a peace that settles over him as he stares it.

"What have you been up to," I ask as I lower my shirt over my stomach. Rick glances at my face.

"Digging. I've been digging a grave for Dale. After breakfast we're gonna have a funeral for him. Then me and Daryl are going to decide where to drop Randall off," he says. I nod with a knot forming in my throat and tears coming to my eyes.

"Awe, baby, don't start. I can't stand to see you upset," Rick says reaching for me. I go to him easily, ignoring the dirt on him.

"It's just the last time I talked to him, I was so hateful. He was never anything, but kind. He always kept an eye on Ella and Mia even though I never asked him to. That man didn't have a selfish bone in his body. He was always thinking about the group. You know he pretended that the RV was still broke down to give us more time to find Sofia. That's the kind of man he was. Maybe it's for the best, he was to good for this world," I say burying my face in Rick's chest.

"No, the last time you spoke to him, you gave him hope. No one else would have thought of telling him. You gave that man peace and I don't want to hear another bad word against you. What you said to him, both times, was true and I don't want you to beat yourself up over it. You're right, Dale was a great man. He always had a word of wisdom for everyone," Rick says kissing my temple. We slowly pull away from each other. I kiss him on the mouth. It was meant to be a quick peck, but Rick pulled me back against him and deepened it. I pull away reluctantly.

"Now, Mr. Grimes don't start something you can't finish," I smile at him and he smiles back.

"Don't make any plans for tonight Mrs. Grimes cause I plan on continuing this discussion," he smiles and goes over to his clothes. "I'm taking a shower. Meet you at breakfast." I nod and wave to him. I let the girls sleep in.

I leave the tent and go help Carol with breakfast. I look around.

"Where's Lori? Doesn't she usually help," I say. Carol looks up at me.

"Yes, but I haven't seen her since last night when she was getting on to Carl," she says. I nod maybe she was sleeping in, or perhaps her and Shane have made up.

After everyone ate breakfast, except Lori and Shane, Herschel told us we could move inside.

"Are you sure," Rick asks. Herschel nods.

"I should have done it a long time ago. Between all the guns from the barn incident to Dale last night, chances are the shots were heard by not only walkers, but quite possibly another group, one that isn't so friendly," Herschel says.

We decide to move everything in before Daryl and Rick take Randall away. When we role up our tent I load it in my car. Rick looks at me surprised.

"Herschel is right. Walkers could be on the way here right now. So, I'm putting all the unnecessary stuff in the car just in case we have to make a quick get away. We don't need the tent inside, but we will probably need the air mattresses. We won't need all of the blankets, cause the house has two fireplaces. I'm going to do what I did at the CDC. If we're safe here then I'll come out and get the stuff as we need it," I say. Rick nods his head in thought.

"I'll tell everyone to do the same and park the cars facing out towards the road," he says. "Maybe even have something like a care package in each car," he says thinking out loud.

After we settle everything inside I look out and notice Lori and Shane's tent is still up. Where are they? I spot Carl and go up to him.

"Hey Carl have you seen your mom or Shane today," I ask. Carl looks up and shakes his head.

"No, they were both up when I got up this morning," he says. I look over at Rick, but he and Daryl are looking over a map to find the best spot to let Randall go. We all hear T-dog holler from down by the barn and we all rush out to see what's going on. I stay back on the porch though to stay with Carl, Ella, and Mia. Then before anyone could reach T. Shane stumbles out of the woods with a smashed face.

Rick comes up to me after a couple minutes. He looks me in the eye and pitches his voice low so only I hear.

"Shane says Randall jumped him and took Lori. We're going after them," he says. I look at him hard for a moment.

"You don't believe that do you," I whisper back. Rick hesitates.

"He has scratches on his neck and face and they don't look like the scratches from a night of passion either," he says. I pale.

"Be careful Rick and come back," I say hugging him.

"Always do," he says kissing my temple.

 **Rick's POV**

Shane leads me out to where he says Randall jumped him and Lori. Daryl and Glenn went a different way. John was gonna tag along, but I knew him and Bobby could protect the women if Shane's story was real and Randall brought his group back.

The further out he took me, the more sure I was of what he was doing. We reached a clearing after awhile and I stopped and turned to face him.

"Is Lori alive," I ask. Shane doesn't even look startled at my question.

"Was when I left her, but it wouldn't have taken long," he says calmly.

"How could you do that? I thought you loved her," I say.

"I did! But she was still all hung up on you! Rick Grimes, the man who hung the moon and stars and painted the sky. I couldn't compete with that! Do you know she wanted another kid, but I'm shooting blanks. So, that made you even more of a hero. You and Joslyn popping kids out left, right and center. No, she didn't love me anymore. Not for awhile I think. I wasn't gonna let her just walk away though. No sir. Not like you did. No, she was gonna die loyal to me. And that was it. Man, I tried, I tried so hard to get you to see sense, but instead you got your little wife and your partner and that redneck hick whispering in your ear. You can't see logic if it stared you in the face and introduced itself. Then you got Lori to turn against me," he says. He's not making any sense in his random rants.

"You killing me cause of Lori, or because of you losing leadership of the group," I ask. He looks at me and I see what Joslyn was talking about, the lack of emotion. Its scary. He honestly doesn't care anymore. He smiles and it's unsettling.

"Maybe a little of both. Don't worry I'll take care of Joslyn and your kids. They've dealt with you dying before, they can do it again. And if Joslyn starts up to much shit, well accidents happen all the time," he says. I glare at him.

"Shane you can threaten me all day if it makes you feel better, but don't ever threaten my family," I say, but I quickly change tactics. "Look, Shane you were my best friend in high school. My best man when I got married, my partner for awhile. That doesn't go away. Even after everything we've been through. Don't do this Shane. We can go back to the farm together. We'll find Lori and Herschel will fix her up," I say stepping closer trying to get my hand on the gun. He seems to lower it a bit. I seize the moment and push it down while stabbing him with the knife I had hidden. He looks at me shocked.

"I told you. I'll do whatever I can to keep my family safe. Damn you, for making me do this. You killed the mother of my son and threatened my wife I couldn't let you live. I'm sorry," I say the whole time pushing the knife deeper. Then it's like someone just turned off the lights and he was gone.

I turned around and seen Carl standing there. I freeze. He looks scared and uncertain.

"Is it true," he asks his voice cracking and going high. I step forward to comfort him, but he raises his gun at me. I left my arms up.

"Carl, come on son. Put the gun down," I say as calmly as I can. Then Carl pulls the trigger, but it goes past me. I turn and see he shot Shane, who had turned into a walker. I look back at my son. He just saved my life. Then I see there is a horde of walkers heading our way.

I run to Carl and grab his arm and we run to the farm house. We had to warn them.

 **Joslyn's POV**

Daryl and Glenn just got back. They were carrying something, no they were carrying _someone_. Then I noticed the hair. Oh my God, it Lori. I run out to meet them, but Daryl shakes his head.

"She was gone when we got there. That bastard Randall was eating on her. She was long gone before that though with the amount of blood, there was no way," he says. I cover my mouth. This is going to kill Carl. I swallow back the bile.

"Where's Rick," I say. Daryl looks at me shocked.

"He ain't back yet? Him and Shane went a different way. Thought for sure they would be back," he says. My eyes widen. I go to look at the woods, like I could see them. Instead I see something else.

"Walkers," I whisper. Then I yell "Walkers!" Daryl nearly drops Lori's body and I start sprinting to the house. I see Daryl gently place Lori down then take something from her neck. He pockets it and runs to the house Glenn right behind him. I see Lori and Shane's tent and I make a detour to it. I run in.

"What the hell are you doing, woman," Daryl shouts, but I ignore him. I grab the three photo albums that were by the sleeping bag and go to leave, but I notice Carl's backpack with some of his stuff in it and I grab it too. I look back and see they are still in the field, but quickly gaining. I throw the stuff in the car then run inside. It's chaotic inside to say the least. I grab mine and Rick's bags.

"Ella grab yours and your sisters bag," I say. She looks at me wide eyed and nods. I look around.

"Where's Carl," I say I feel a stab of guilt. I had always got annoyed at Lori for losing her son. Everyone stops and looks around. I close my eyes. "He went after Rick. Of course he would," I say. Jasmine comes up to me and grabs the bags off my shoulder.

"He'll be ok. Rick has him. Grab Mia. I'll put her in her car seat while you drive," she says. I nod trying not to cry. This is the first time she's talked to me since Abby. I pick Mia up and Ella and I run out the door Jasmine following behind.

I see John and Bobby hop in the RV. John nods at Jasmine. Then I see Brenda in a truck with T-dog and Andrea. The walkers are all over now. Ella wrenchs the door to the van open and hops in. I notice the barn is on fire and Jimmy is driving Dale's RV to it. Rick is there I know it. I open the drivers side door. And I hear the back door close at the same time as mine. I pass Mia back to Jasmine. I start driving. The whole time I'm looking for anyone that might have been left behind. I don't see anyone only walkers. I start driving away I look in the review mirror and all I see is the blaze of the barn.

"What do I do? What do I do?! We never discussed getting separated," I say to Jasmine. She climbs into the front seat.

"Just keep driving. Go towards the highway, where we left those supplies for Sofia," she says calmly. I nod my head a bit frantically.

"Ok, ok. Yeah, the highway. That makes sense," I say. I look back at Ella who is stock still, eyes wide, staring straight ahead and Mia is crying. "Jasmine, what if Carl isn't with Rick. I'll never forgive myself," I whisper to her. Jasmine looks at me and tries to smile.

"He's with Rick. One thing I've learned about Grimes, they're survivors. They'll be there waiting I promise," she says. I have to believe her.

I see John coming fast up behind me. I let him pass. He and Bobby look over and see who's all in the car. They nod I nod back and let him lead. Then behind us I see a motorcycle leading a truck.

"Who's in the truck," I ask Jasmine. Jasmine turns.

"Daryl and Carol are on the bike. I think Glenn and Maggie are in the truck, but I'm not entirely sure," she says. We keep driving.

We finally reach the highway, John stops I look back and see Mia has passed out, but Ella is wide awake. My heart sinks she had just started getting back to herself after Abby. I pull up beside John and there he is, my husband and step-son along with Herschel. I put my head on the wheel in relief. Jasmine pats my back and gets out. Then the drivers door is pulled open and Rick is there holding me. Then Carl runs up and hugs me. I look up to see Jasmine and John hugging Brenda and Herschel holding Beth, Maggie standing close to them. We get out and take count.

"Where's everybody else," Daryl asks.

"This is all who's made it so far," Rick asks.

"Patricia," Herschel questions.

"They took her out of my hands. I tired to pull her back," Beth cries out.

"Jimmy," Maggie asks.

"He was in Dale's RV, it got overrun," Rick says.

"Andrea," Glenn says.

"We saw her go down," T-dog says.

"She saved me that's all I seen," Carol says.

"I'll go back," Daryl says.

"No, it's a dead end. If she's still at the farm, then she's gone. If she's alive then there's no way we will find her," Rick says. Daryl thinks about it then nods his head in defeat.

After we figure out who's riding with who. We cipher gas out of the other vehicles. Rick, Carl, Mia, Ella, Carol and I were in the van. John, Jasmine, Bobby and Brenda were in their RV. Glenn, Maggie, Beth and Herschel were in Lori's car which left T-dog in the truck and Daryl on his motorcycle. We figured we could put the motorcycle in the truck when Daryl needed a break.

We drive for a while and stop to regroup. Daryl walks up to Carl.

"Hey, I'm real sorry about your mom. I never got anything from mine when she died, but I figured you would want this," Daryl says he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the necklace he took from Lori. It was gold and had world's greatest mom written elegantly in small cursive script on it. Carl takes it.

"I got this for her on mothers day when I was six. Dad helped me get it," he says. He looks up with tears in his eyes. "Thanks Daryl." Daryl looks embarrassed.

"No problem kid," he says then clears his throat. "Rick I found Randall. He turned but he wasn't bit. How is that possible?" I close my eyes. Shit. We never got a chance to tell everyone what Jenner told Rick. I look at Rick.

"We're all infected. That's what Jenner said at the CDC. I was going to tell you, but between looking for Sofia, Carl getting shot, the barn and Randall it kept getting pushed back. I'm sorry. I planned on telling you," Rick says. Everyone looks shocked. "I had my doubts, but Joslyn told me I needed to tell everyone." Daryl looks at us and nods.

"It's understandable Rick. A lot has happened between then and now," John says. Carol looks a little doubtful. After that she chose to ride with T-dog.

We find a place to camp for the night. I hear Carol talking to Daryl about leaving. That Rick had intentionally kept what Jenner said a secret.

"No, he's done alright by me," Daryl says before I could say anything, but Rick heard.

"Look, if you want to leave go. I won't keep you here. You can have a car and a gun. I don't care. I only care about keeping my family safe. If you stay you become apart of that and I will count you as family. The way I see it we only have each other. As far as we know we could be the only decent people still alive. If you want to try your luck out there then go. No one's stopping you. If you stay and you purposely hurt anyone in my family, I will kill you. I killed Shane. He was going to kill me, he threatened Joslyn and he _did_ kill Lori. Carl heard everything. So, don't think I'm above that," he says glaring at Carol. I suspected Shane killed Lori, but hearing it said is still a shock. The kids and Beth are all sleeping in the RV. I'm glad they missed this. I look at Rick. "Right now everyone needs to make a decision. Stay with me, or go off by yourself. Because I'm tired of it. If you don't think I can keep you save, go!" Rick gets up and heads into the RV to check on the kids. Nobody moves. It looks like this is our new found family. Sixteen of us. Question is how long can it stay sixteen?

Authors note: Oh my gosh. I think this is the longest chapter! But it was either one massive chapter or two small one. I hope you guys like it. First off I had to let someone tell Dale Randall loves. It always bothered me that he died thinking the group still broken. What do you think about Shane killing Lori? I tried to make him erratic with his rant. I also didn't make Rick as big of a douche bag in the last part. One he has Joslyn so again he's not as unstable as he is in the show. I had to make Carl hear Shane say he killed Lori, or I don't know if he would have believed him completely. Anyway feedback is always welcome. :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey guys just wanted to let you know part 2 is up.**


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